Deliver me…

…out of my sadness. Deliver me from all of the madness. Deliver me, courage to guide me. Deliver me….

Wow. I actually…..don’t feel like crawling right back under my covers. Maybe that’s because it’s actually pseudo-sun-like outside. And I have my homework done for class. And after clinical tonite, I’m done with school for a week. Well, except for the fact that I have a huge ass exam to study for over break. Which will prove interesting, since I promised M I’d watch the kids tomorrow night, and then I work at el psycho centre on Thursday, Saturday, and Tuesday (yeah. The night before the exam. NOT happy about that, but my supervisor didn’t know and neither did I till recently. It’ll be ok since I don’t work the two nights previous. I shouldn’t be over-exhausted. eheh.) Lah. I’m worried about this exam, everyone is. It’s rumoured to be the hardest of the 3, not including the final which is cumulative. I just have to stay somewhat motivated and STUDY over break. Watching the kids will be fine, cuz I can study after they go to bed. But studying at work is a challenge. Oh well. I’ll manage. lah.

Clinical last nite was exhausting, but good. Instead of our usual one-student-per-patient assignments, Liz split us up so that 4 people passed meds for the entire unit, and the other 3 each shadowed a nurse all evening. Wow. It was like being at work, running to and fro and back and forth. But I feel like I did more last nite than I have the entire semester. I got two really good RN’s, so that was good. (They changed shifts at 7ish)

And one of our pt’s had a pseudo-seizure while we were there. Actually 2 of them. But one of them I was in the room for, and so was the doctor. And afterwards the doctor motioned for me to come outside the room with him and he talked to me about seizures and pseudoseizures and malingerers. I learned a lot! Like, you really can’t tell if it’s a TRUE stroke unless you’re monitering them on machines constantly and manipulating their brains and stuff (He told me he used to do this thing on an epileptic ward where you stuck a huge long needled into the cheek, right under the bone, up into the back of their head at the brain. ACK. Not sure what that was for, I was too weirded out by the explanation of the procedure!) But he also explained that like, 75% of people have abnormal EKG readings, but don’t have seizures. And 25% of people have normal EKG readings and -do- have seizures and there’s only a very small percent of EKG readings that are actually -accurate- cuz the best way for them to be truely, truely accurate is a 72 hour sleep-fast state. I think. He was really rambling off information!

But he was also explaining that he felt this girl was having a pseudo-seizure, which isn’t a real seizure. But, it’s not a fake seizure either. It’s a real event, but it’s more a psychological thing- like the body’s way of taking mental issues and putting them into physical issues because it’s more acceptable to have treatable physical issues than mental ones. But it’s not like self-injury, it’s subliminal. So the pt isn’t doing it on purpose, per se. It was really interesting.

Tonite I bet Liz will switch us, which means I’ll be helping give all the meds for the whole unit, and the people who did meds last night will shadow an RN. I hope so, at least. Maybe then I’ll get to give an IM or sub-q. This is our last week on the med-surg floor….after break we move to OB. baaaaaaabieeeeeeeeeeees. Some of my clinical-mates are dreading it, but I’m really excited. Eh. Not that I especially -want- to see a baby being born (cuz, ew. I’m pretty sure it’s really messy and stuff) But I was thinking about it yesterday and, well, it would actually be kind of neat to witness it. Then maybe I’d have more understanding/empathy for people who describe it as wonderful, awesome experiences and that they’d do it all over again. Even the ones who didn’t have drugs!!! *shakes head* Cuz I just don’t get it. Maybe, maybe if I were drugged and not feeling a giant bony mass trying to pop out through a much smaller bony mass…I mean, I know the hip joint seperates and stuff, to make it easier (which is why pregnant ladies waddle later in the pregnancy…the joints have loosened and it alters the gait. It’s not just cuz they’re fat 🙂 But. But still. OUCH. eheh. So. Yeah. It’d be kinda cool to see a birth.

But also wonderful if we get to actually take care of the babies. Cuz. Cuz. BABIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!! lol. My clinical mates think I’m insane. They all grumbled and complained and absolutely HATED the day-care experience we had to do. Me, I was bouncing with happiness and wanted to go back. Even Diana, she was like “I HAVE kids and I still hated it…” *shakes head* I don’t get it. I mean. I can’t fathom not loving kids. What’s not to love? I mean, yeah. You get the bratty ones. You get the ‘messed up’ ones like at the psych center….but I still like those ones, even tho they’re difficult to work with. Mostly because I see them over and over. When I’ve seen an 8 year old admitted 3 times to that place, and I’ve only been there 2 years….yeah. Not so cool. And another reason I find it hard to work with the kids at the psych center, especially the little ones, is because…so many of them just need….attention. I mean. I know that’s not the -whole- of it. But…some of them I think would just thrive if they had serious one-to-one time with people who cared. And in my position, I can’t give them that time, and it breaks my heart. And, I’ll admit, when a 9 year old tells me to “fuck off, bitch” I do want to grab him by the shirt collar and get in his face. But alot of that is knee-jerk/I’ve been working all night and I’m tired/dealing with 13 kids with the same attitude problems kind of reaction. I think I’d respond (rather, want to respond, since I DON’T respond by grabbing them by the shirt collars…) want to respond differently if it were a different setting, like a therapy setting or something.

I wish I had time to join the “big brothers/big sisters” program thing. I’ve always wanted to do that. But back when I *did* have time, I didn’t have a car! And now that I have a car, I just don’t have time. But I think it’d be a neat experience.

Anyways. Rambling. I should shower and get ready for class. Wee.