citadel

Scars, Papa Roach

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I’m feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I’m pissed cause you came around
Why don’t you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can’t help you fix yourself
Your making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus]

I tried to help you once
A kiss will only vise
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you’re drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last dance

[Chorus]

I’m drunk and I’m feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn’t ever came around
Why don’t you just go home?
Cause you’re drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn’t understand
But you didn’t understand
You fix yourself

I can’t help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I’m sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can’t help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I’m sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

[Chorus x2]
——————————–

blahdiblahblahblah.
My apt is disguuuuusting. I shall clean. Later. *sigh*

Interview went ok. I think. The pay is crap. *shrugs* But they seem like they can be pretty flexible with scheduling and such. I was there for about an hour. There were dogs. I talked about my lizard. *rolls eyes* This is because they had one of their clients sit in on the interview and he asked about my pets.

lah lah lah. Thankfully (I guess) he didn’t recognize me. Because I know him from elsewhere.

I need to go buy crickets for the animals. They were out when I went yesterday. I need to change my clothes first, as I’m wearing the same outfit I was when I stopped in yesterday. eheh.

I was s’posed to go work for Dr F today, but I emailed her a few days ago and asked if we could reschedule, on account of the interview. She was fine with that.

This girl I’m e-mailing with still seems pretty interested in me. We’re trying to meet soon. I almost don’t want to, cuz I’m enjoying chatting with her and I’m afraid she’ll not write back after we actually meet in person. It’s easier to be pretendhappy via the modem than in real life…

Oh well. We shall see. P’raps this weekend…Except I’m s’posed to pick Jay up on Friday at 11pm from the airport that’s nearly 2 hrs away. So that nixes Friday and at least part of Saturday, cuz this girl also lives 2 hours away. In the other direction, of course. *rolls eyes* Maybe if I can clean my apt in the next day or so, I can invite her here. Tho it would get awkward if she wanted to stay the nite (she suggested last week that I go up to where she lives cuz they were having a bonfire and such, and I could spend the nite in a tent or at her friends’ or whatnot…as she says, you are welcome here, and just so there’s no confusion, sleeping arrangements are completely negotiable. I’m not uptight about sharing a bed with a friend (I only have a twin mattress though), or sleeping next to a romantic interest without any “funny business.” there’s also a guest bed, or I would sleep on the floor and give you my bed. whatever works for you!

Well, it’s good that she’s not planning on tying me to a bed in a room full of lemurs. yeesh.

Other things she said, which I may have already posted…

so, I’m glad you don’t know “the rules” because I don’t either, so it sounds like we get to make them up ourselves! I am totally bummed that you have to work this weekend. perhaps I can convince you to be a little naughty and skip town? c’mon, it would be fun. bonfire on the beeeeeeach… I’ll give you a coooookie… or whatever you waaaant… hugs! c’mon, I know you can be spontaneous! maybe someone could switch with you? sorry, I’m not trying to be bad, but sometimes I just can’t help it! I’m very excited about you! and I’m not playing games when I say that. I don’t toy with people’s emotions, because I don’t appreciate mine being toyed with. I really would like to get to know you better, and what can I say, I’m impatient when it comes to this sort of thing! and I totally agree, even if it’s never anything more, I think we are a good pair for friendship. ok, so I will let you go for now… think about it, and take care!

She offered me a cookie! But I still couldn’t go cuz I had to work. le’sigh.

Shit, I shoulda gone in to school today, I think I might have a paycheck waiting for me. Eheh. I should probably find my -last- paycheck so that I might be able to deposit. But Diana will prolly be gone by now. bleh.

Gah. The garbage needs emptied. It smells yucky.

meh. I feel yucky. Lightheaded. Maybe cuz I’m hot. I think I have to work tomorrow nite. I should CLEAN right now. Or, after going to the pet store. And then sleep.

Ah, the best laid plans of mice and men go aft awry….something like that, yes.

haha. I wish that I didn’t feel like I was going to yarf. My head hurts like my skin is too tight. Like it hurts when my hair is in too tight a ponytail for too long. ‘cept it’s not been in a tight ponytail for a long, long time. Hasn’t even been in a loose ponytail for a while….*sigh*