bend it

So. It’s prolly not a good thing that I found myself on the phone last nite about 8 minutes after I got to work, telling her that if someone wasn’t found to come in or mandated to stay, that I was going to hand my keys in in the morning. I was pissed off. And she was like “Well, there’s not much we can do to change the mandate…” because apparently people only have to be mandated to stay IF we don’t have at least 5 staff. Disregard the fact that EACH unit has 25 patients, the fact that there were several codes and at least one restraint on evening shift, the fact that there was an admission at the door, the fact that today was Visiting, so there were piles and piles of things to check in on each unit.

Fuck you, SW. Emphysemic old bitch.

I prolly shouldn’t have told her that I thought it was ridiculous, that we are competent people but not THAT competent. Or that I felt like we talked and talked and nobody listened, and that I couldn’t work under such conditions, that this wasn’t a one time incident it happened over and over and over.

And she was all like “well, it’s difficult to find people to come in, they tried…” and “plus, there are two staff on LOA…” You know what? I don’t give a flying fuck. SHE is the director of nursing. It’s her JOB to fix these things.

So of course, I come away from it looking like a whiney brat. Eventually, one girl said she’d stay for a little bit. Of course, it was the nauseous pregnant one. So I felt like a complete heel. But you know what? I don’t really care. HOW many times have I said “Sure, I’ll come in” and worked nite shift? HOW many times have I come in early for 3-11 or stayed late for 7-3. Granted, not as much lately as when I first started working there, but still. Hell, I didn’t get out of there til a quarter after 8 this morning, cuz a walk-in assessment showed up at 645am, and they were already short-staffed so I said SURE WTF. I’d be HAPPY to do the ARC and business papers and blah blah blah. Which. It just sucks, cuz. It’s NOT my co-workers who I’m pissed at. But it’s my co-workers who “suffer” from it.

I miss Donna. Her simple “Hey Hon. Thank you SO much for all of your help” as I went out the door in the mornings. (And, that was just thanks for doing what I was *supposed* to do. When I came in early or stayed late or rolled out of bed and arrived at work 15 minutes later because they were being slammed with admissions….) She just. Made me feel appreciated. Or. At least let me know that I existed and was part of the little constellation that is nite shift.

Sometimes that’s all it takes, ya know? A genuine thank you. Or a sincere attempt at resolving a bad situation.

So. Yeah. Last time I talked to the DON, nobody had volunteered to stay and she hadn’t found anyone. So for all she knows, I already quit.

And you know what? I garauntee that she doesn’t even care. That the only thing my bitching did was put me on her radar. I won’t be surprised if I’m “let go” here in the near future.

What does it matter? I’m not making enough money to keep my head above water anyways, so why the fuck do I care?loyalty. Why should I bust my ass when so many people sit back and do nothing but watch?responsibility

I need to sleep. I am exhausted. After work, I went and did my laundry. Hoooray for clean clothes. Half of them are, of course, still sitting in my car. Cuz I also got some groceries and so I brought those up first.

anyways, i keep nodding off and startling awake. so that’s prolly a sign that i should just go to sleep. And get up later and do the dishes, put the groceries away, study.

angerball.