4/23/05

do people obsess over things because they want to?
because they have to?
because they need to?
because they can’t help it?

i have no time for a breakdown.

i have 65 contacts in my phone. granted, some are things like the vet’s office and vinny’s pizza. but still. you’d think i’d just dial someone up and put an end to this. or delay what’s coming.

but that’s hardly my style, now is it?

things were going well, the end of the semester was stressful, but there were good points. which are all slowly evaporating. like…i was looking forward to the journal coming out, cuz for once i’d helped with something i thought was pretty damn good. doesn’t look that’s gonna happen. was looking forward to the psych dept picnic, but i think it’s on a friday, on a friday that i just told M i’d watch the kids. as in, pick them up from school, stay overnight, and watch them til M and E got home sometime the next day. which i’m really angry at myself for saying yes before checking on the dates. but. it’s not like i could afford the ‘after party’ of the picnic anyways, and i desperately need the money from babysitting, so really it wouldn’t’ve mattered if i -had- checked the date, i would still have had to say yes. i was looking forward to some sort of allies picnic, but i highly doubt that will happen because i don’t have the time or energy to try and plan one, and gawd knows that everyone else is all about Wanting things but not all about Planning them. and even if it does happen, it’ll prolly be on saturday and i’ll still have the kids, and can’t really tote them to an allies function since conversation tends to turn innappropriate 75% of the time and even if i didn’t have them or if M got home before the picnic, i have a cumulative final on the next monday, which i have to pass or i’m fucked. which means studying all weekend. i was looking forward to getting a ton of hours at work in may. and i have two nites. Two. i feel like i’m being punished for requesting days off to help my sister move. even tho it’s prolly not like that.

i’m not sure if there was anything else. i don’t actually care.

i’m done writing.

I know it doesn’t help, but when I start stressing, I usually look to a date immediately following my last due date. Then I can say to myself “on x-day, everything will be over and done with and I’ll be able to relax.” Then I just put my head down and trudge along until I’m done or it’s over.

I don’t choose to obsess over anything. It just happens. It’s almost always something that I have aboslutely no control over as well.

RYN1: Alot of people I know love The Dark Crystal. I just remember it creeped me out. I may have to check it out again sometime as an adult. RYN2: What little I know about anatomy came from three semesters of “anatomy for the artist.” As you can guess, the emphasis was really on what causes the human body to look the way it does (muscles and bones).

To Read Others.

April 24, 2005

xox *~