Done

First I want to say thanks to all my noters who responded about MB.   ALL of you are sooooo right.  I’m so glad I posted about him.  Sometimes when we are stuck in the middle of something we can’t see the situation for what it is.    You’re notes brought me back to reality.
 
I didn’t see MB at all this weekend but we did have yet another conversation at 4 am Sunday morning for about 2 hours.   This boy really truly from the bottom of his heart only cares about himself.   When I hung up the phone, I really got that he and I were NEVER in the same place and probably never will be.  He has too many issues in his way.  He’s been an ass for the past two  years- no doubt about that.  But I tolerated and allowed it.
 
Anyway, I now see that this "starting over" thing is a bunch of bullshit.  It will NEVER work.  See….. for him to "start over" is a cake walk – because I now see that he never "started" in the first place.   He never gave "us" a fair chance when I did.  He does not have the emotional baggage that I do and none of the past messes with him.
 
Me on the other hand would have to ignore the past conversations, words, feelings, etc like none of the past EVER happened and pretend like we just met.  I’d have to erase ALL my feelings and literally act like this was a brand new relationship – which is of course IMPOSSIBLE beacause this is NOT NEW.   So.  I’m going to walk away from it all.  Just like that.   Yeah there is still the pregnancy possibility – but I will cross that bridge when I get to it.  Bottom line whatever happens, its my choice not his.  So to hell with him.    But until I know one way or the other I am simply just not dealing with MB or any of this.  I’m not calling him, nor am I going to answer his calls.  I’m just done, I am tired of talking, tired of thinking and just tired of drama.  So no more..and I feel good about it.
 
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In other good news – I’ve dropped two sizes in my clothes this year. I haven’t gotten on a scale so I have no clue as to the number of pounds I’ve lost, but I’ve gone from a size 26 to a 22.   And did it by monitoring the food I eat.  SEVERELY decreased my fat intake.  Funny how you can eat 3 lean cuisines and still take in less fat and calories than 1 small cheeseburger from McDonalds.  Lets not even calculate fries into that. 
 
I feel good.  I’m looking better.  It’s a great thing.  Happy times and happy days!! WHOOO HOOO!
 
Ok, I must get back to work now. 
 
Hasta La Pasta my friends….