Crazy

 Soooooo….. I think I’m the lucky recipient of my family’s bi-polar, manic depressive, or whatever other psychological bullshit that runs in my family’s genes.

Last year I started experiencing anxiety like there was no tomorrow.   One minute I was having panic attacks, the next I was crying for no damn reason.   I chalked it up to the hormones in my birth control and immediately had my Mirena removed.    Well it’s been six months since taking that little bastard out and now I feel depressed all the damn time.  It’s almost like being in a constant state of heartache – only I’m not heartbroken.   I do however feel massively alone.  

So while I realize being “alone” is a big made up story in my head – it feels real.   I have friends, family, colleagues, etc.  so I know I am not solo.  However my social activities with them are little to none.   It seems like all my friends I have common interests with are back in California, not here in Texas.  Because of this, I have committed social suicide.  I literally work, go home, zone out playing mindless facebook games, watch tv, and that’s about it.

My daughter tells me I am suffering from depression.  She may be right.  *sigh*  guess its time to start looking for a shrink so I can figure this mess out, because living like this is NO FREAKING FUN!