Death Month

 Running is postponed until I’m finished with the two presentations and paper I have due this upcoming Monday.  It’s actually making me angry at this point that I’ve had to go on this long of a hiatus, but I really have no choice.  I don’t even know how I’m going to finish what I have to get done in time, so there’s just…no time at all to do anything else, whatsoever.

One of those two presentations is my research proposal.  Basically, it’s the equivalent of a thesis.  Since time is so limited, I’ll just be doing a literature review, but it’s a complex topic, so I have to do a lot of reading/studying of background information and recent research studies (the abstracts, at the very least) in order to (hopefully) even understand what the hell I’m talking about.  I have to get the presentation to the professor by Friday so that there’ll be some kind of chance she’ll review it and tell me what to fix before Monday.  The problem is, she doesn’t reply to emails.  Just ignores them 99% of the time.  And, I have no classes with her the rest of the week, so I don’t know how I’m going to track her down if she doesn’t respond.  This is the same professor who didn’t get our graded assignments/final grade back to us from last semester’s class until a third of the way through this semester.  And, she’s doing the same zero-feedback thing in the classes she’s teaching this semester, as well.  Which is why I’m at this point with my research project, not knowing if it’s even acceptable or what I should even be doing.  And, she’s assigned herself as my advisor, too, so it’ll be a bundle of joy trying to set up meetings with her over the summer.  

I’m scared.  I’m approaching terrified, but I’m trying not to go there.  The proposal is the only grade in the entire class, though it’s sort of broken up into the oral presentation and written proposal.  The thing is, if your proposal is turned down, you fail.  Because you don’t get your grade/decision on it until the beginning of next semester.  That’s why I’m thoroughly hoping that I could still redeem myself with my written proposal if I bomb the presentation since the written is due later.  Also, the presentation itself is something I don’t even want to think about.  We’re expected to have very limited text on the actual powerpoint and talk about it in more depth by just speaking to the class, and it’s like, fuck that.  It’s just not happening.  I’ll abide by the powerpoint protocol, but I’ll bring up notes with me in order to actually explain things if I have to, because there isn’t a chance in hell I’ll be able to improv that crap and not completely humiliate myself when I go completely blank.  Maybe if I had another several weeks to practice/memorize what I’m going to say, but, that’s not the case.

And, who knows when I’ll have time to do the other presentation.  I haven’t even looked at it, yet, and probably won’t until Saturday.

Then, I’ll just have 3 papers to write, and another presentation to do the following week since I missed it originally due to being very ill.  And several other quizzes.  And various other labs/assignments.  And part of a class-wide business plan that apparently has to be nearly book-long that’s due at the end of the semester. And 10+ finals.  And an interview for rotations.  This is all by April 30th.  Still Saturday classes and work on Sundays, too.  Funtimes.

Next semester is going to be a vacation compared to this.

And, now I’ve finished ranting.