here i go again..

ok..so it was a long week…freaking exhausted for most of it.

Thursday night I hung out with k…we went to the racetrack – watched our horse race and win .. good night over all

last night K and I went to dinner then went to the bar to have drinks….yes we went to my regular hang out bar. Had a couple drinks….were there a couple hours. Of course when midnight rolled around, we left and he took me home. told him I had the house to myself right before we got there. he just pulled up and let me out — wtf. I know he was tired but really?

Anyway, so after he left, I went back to the bar. I knew N was there so hung out and had a couple drinks. I bought N a beer because I know it is dead ass broke till payday. Anyway…I was feeling pretty good – which means I got a little handsy. Then N was playing with my hair…jesus h. It was crazy. Then he kissed me…a really good kiss. Anyway so we talked, drank and made out. Then we took his roommate home and I brought him back to my place….and yes I was bad. god it felt good…seems like forever since I have had sex.

So now what? I do love K but he is becoming more and more like my ex – in the always down mood kinda way…in the don’t have fun kinda way. Now don’t get me wrong..I had fun with K at the bar…somewhat…but as usual, I had to instigate everything. It is getting really old having to be the one who does that. Didn’t help that in a conversation about this girl at the bar, he was saying how that is the type of girl he is usually attracted to….he then proceeded to say that he was attracted to be but a lot of that was because of my personality. then he would backup and say not that I don’t think you are pretty because I do….WTF. I know he didn’t mean it any way bad…I have said things like that before and not meant anything bad but still…it stings a little. I guess I brought it on myself because I asked him why he liked me because it doesn’t sound like I am the kind of girl he usually dates….whatever.

So then there is N — he is 34 and never been married…said he just hasn’t met the right person yet. He was in a relationship with someone for a lot of years (7 maybe?), had stuff in both names, etc but never got married. While he says he doesn’t want a relationship, he sure acts like he does. He is wanting to cook for me and talks about all these things he would like to do…wants to move to Ireland in 10 years. He is fun. He is a hard worker. He has a lot less health problems and family drama than K does….fuck fuck fuck

how do I get myself into these situations? oh well…just going with it for the moment