Hate my brain…

So talked to K39 for a couple minutes earlier…he is trying to leave me alone so I can finish packing, etc.  Just talking to him makes me second guess my decision to end it.  He makes me smile.  He is so good to me.  I just want it to work out with him.  Wonder if I can turn him into a dominate man?  I don’t want to be the one in charge…I am sick of that…and that is so what I would end up being.  He says he doesn’t want to be the guy who gives everything and gets nothing back in return.  He wants someone who will support him – not monetarily, emotionally.  We think the same way on so many things.

My bff from out of state brought up a good point though…for someone that has been the caretaker (of his mom and brother) for a long time, he is going to have a hard time when he has to go back to life after they are gone.  And of course they will always come first before me.  She also brought up the point of if we got married, would they live with us….and although he takes care of them, she knows that the spouse always feels the responsibility too…and she knows how I am…she knows I would do anything for someone.  She thinks it would be bad for me.

On one hand, I have a feeling the relationship would die on its own and I almost want to use it up during that period.  To have the companionship.

crap people just got here…got to go….more to come later