1/26/05

Who Am I?
6/15/2000

I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I realise

that I really don’t know what defines me right now. I really can’t remember being the true me since before my first heartbreak and it’s just gone downhill from there.

I have lost pieces of me with a few of my bad choices in men. Sometimes I can be the happy go lucky me I was all

those years ago but not often. On days like today, I feel sadness in the background but can’t quite put my finger on exactly what it is. I know some of it is from

all the rejection I’ve had. Each time a little more of me gets eaten away and I am just a shell of what I used to be. I’ve found that men haven’t changed too much since I’ve been in high school and they were boys. All they care about is looks and I refuse to conform myself to what they find pleasant to look at! It’s just not fair. The situation just gets old and I’m tired of it.

I really don’t care what they think now, honestly. But,

it does get old being alone all the time. This has been

nagging at me so I figured I’d better just say it and then I’ll feel better.

I’ve been gone over a week(just didn’t feel like trying to read and catch up and all) and I still don’t know if

I want to read every day. I feel bad about that because

everyone gives great support and I will miss that if I don’t do it, I’ll miss out on all the great people here.

Maybe I just need a little more time to think. I have missed hearing from everyone. Just wanted you to know I’m still here and reading. I couldn’t catch up but I did read the most recent entries. I’m not terribly sad, just a little melancholy, I guess.

Oh! One good thing! My mom left for England this past Tuesday and will be coming back on the 24th. So, when she gets her pics, I’ll change Duke’s homepage so I can

post them there.