Weird feelings

God, I hope certain people don’t read this anymore. IF you’re reading it and you have no business being here, go away now.

Anyway, I feel like I’m going ass backwards, if that makes sense. Different, in a sense, and I don’t like it. I don’t like feeling like I’ve back tracked into someplace I don’t want to be. Lately I’ve really felt homesick (ny), and that’s weird because in the..what, 3 years I’ve been here it hasn’t been an issue. I mean, I get the twinge but nothing like me wanting to go home this badly. I have seriously been considering Junior and Senior year in New York. I know it would probably make my mom sad, but I…that’s another thing. My Mom. Everything lately seems weird with that situation. I don’t like it, and it feels off. Her and Randy are together, and I’m fine with that. I like Randy, I just don’t want to live there. I hope my mom understands that. I just don’t like where he lives, and it wouldn’t feel like home to me. All my stuff is going to be in storage until that situation is figured out, and I just don’t feel like it’ll be going home. That sucks. She says she needs to do things for her, and it’s the point in her life where she doesn’t need to take care of someone, so she’s going to take care of herself. Fine, but I don’t want to be expected to stay around why she finds herself. I love her, really, we’ve grown close over the last few years and I’m grateful for that…but I don’t want to be there. I just don’t, and I don’t know if she’ll ever fully understand that.

So many things are changing, and I just wish they would stop. But that’s wishful thinking.

I want my life back.