I’m not better now.

Dear Mr. Jackhammer:

If you don’t shut the hell up I’m going to take your jackhammer and shove it up your ass.

Now, don’t give me that look. My hostility is warranted, Mr. Jackhammer. I don’t appreciate being woken up at 8am with your incessant pounding. I also don’t appreciate the constant vibration you and your jackhammer have made  because you do not have a simple jackhammer: you have a very large, obnoxious one.

Why, Mr. Jackhammer, have you found it necessary to pound away for hours below MY window? Why not, say, the other four dormitories? Another thing, Mr. Jackhammer: why in front of a college dorm? You know the sleep habits of a college student. They are not regular. They are abstract, and never understood…much like Picaso’s paintings. If our wonderous art of sleeping is known around the world by people just like Picaso’s art, how is it that you, Mr. Jackhammer, do not know that jackhammering away at 8am is going to piss a lot of students off?

I’m sorry if I sound a bit annoyed, Mr. Jackhammer. Actually, on second thought, I am annoyed! I have had insomnia for the past 4 nights, Mr. Jackhammer. I have just been falling asleep in the wee hours of the morning. You know those hours? 4-5am, Mr. Jackhammer. And then you came with your jackhammer, hammering and hammering away at the concrete brick and metal outside my window at 8 o’clock in the MORNING.

That’s not cool, man.

There are reasons why one does not live in New York City. One very, very apparent issue right now is that I do believe construction of a watermain next to a building at 8am is BAD for my sleeping habits. And other people’s. I’ve discovered what makes city people so angry. They have a jackhammer outside their window ALL the effing time!

Mr. Jackammer, I just wanted to let you know that you are highly disliked and I wish that you would go away. Now.

Seriously.

Dude.

It’s not even 10am.

My class was cancelled, man! CANCELLED.

And the insomnia, please dude? No sleep is killing me.

Fine.

Fuck you.

I don’t like you either.

Go jackhammer, you prick.

Have a nice day,

room 203 (the room above where you’re JACKHAMMERING AT EIGHT IN THE MORNING)

PS. EFF YOU!