Rebellious? I’ve been this way for 2 years

Ever get sick of your mother/family calling you by nicknames that should have ceased when you were about 10 years old? Well, that’s how I feel about my family calling me all these nicknames. I had to stop my mom from calling me ‘chaunie’. *Shivers* I hate that nickname. It was ok when I was a little kid, but now that I’m older, its a little repulsive. I think she got a little mad when I asked her not to call me that anymore. She’s now resorted to calling me ‘chaun’, which is better. The reason I didn’t particularly like her to call me that was because she would say it in this little annoying voice and it would get under my skin.

I don’t know, hell, it could be the rebel in me coming out (which its been rearing its head for about 2 years now.) but I know things have been getting to me more than they should. I don’t know if I should call that weird or not. I think this rebellion has also come from years of low self-esteem, anger, depression and some other crap that’s been going on in my life.

I’m one of those people that can hold things in and also let things roll off my shoulders all at the same time, so when it comes to handling things, I don’t know how to go about solving it. But I think I’m also that person if you push my buttons too far, I can be quite unladylike. In fact, I can be damn near crazy LOL Though it takes a bit for me to get pushed to that extreme. Justin used to always say that I never got mad at him. Oh trust me, I got mad at him plenty of times, but I bit my tongue. I guess because I didn’t want to risk us arguing. (Though it didn’t help because we didn’t up doing 3-4 days worth of it after we broke up.)

So now all these feelings of anger are starting to surface and its scaring me. Mainly, because I don’t want to direct it towards the wrong person. That’s why I used to go walking all the time. It helped me out so much! Whenever something was troubling me, I walked those two miles from the house to the movie theater and back, and in that 40-60 minute walk it took me, I was feeling so much better when I came back to the house. So this spring, you better believe I’m taking my water bottle, and my walking meter and I’m going walking. Then maybe, just maybe a little bit of this rebel will seep out of me.