Old feelings for an old ex

Found out my ex is having a babyboy. I’m happy for him but at the same time, I feel – well…I’m not sure.
He was my first love, the one I gave it up to, the one I loved with my entire soul and everytime I hear something from his
wife about him or they’re family, my heart drops. Right now I guess you could say I’m numb but at the same time I’m confused on why I feel this way.
Shouldn’t I stop this childishness about him? Shouldn’t I be over him by now?
I remember how he used to talk about me to his wife, how I was his soulmate and it got her mad, which is completely understandable.
When you marry someone, you marry them, not your hopes about your previous relationship.

And I’ll admit, he’s a very strong part of me, and that will never change. Its just hard to hear about him and his family.
He came online today and said hi after months of us not talking. Then he had to leave to go take his wife to see the sex of their baby.
Before he left he asked me what was wrong. And I told him…we haven’t talked in months and you’re leaving again.
He said it was cause he was so busy. Okay, he’s soo busy that he can’t come online within a 3-4 month period and say hi?

For me though, its’ going to be a continuous battle with my feelings and him. Most times I don’t think about him though, when I’m with my boyfriend or out with my friends.
Those are the times he doesn’t cross my mind but others, when I’m by myself – walking or whatever, that’s when they begin to surface again.
And I’m sure they do with him too, he’s mentioned that he thinks about what could have happened between us.
 I still have pictures of him and his brother and now wife still locked up in a box in my mother’s house. I loveed to take pictures with him.
We were what they call a perfect couple. We never argued, never fought. We laughed and we were the best of friends.
But something happened and it all faded away. That’s what hurts the most. I can’t get that back. And no matter who I’m with, who I marry,
I know they’ll never compare to what we had. And that’s the truth. God I miss him.