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Today is my birthday. I’m really dreading the fact that I have to start today, because today is really stressful and I probably won’t be home until 8 again.

The last, last time I went through something rather tumultuous I ended up having to get therapy. I think a lot about the therapist’s techniques now, about feeling my own emotions and deep breaths to calm my nerves. There was something about that demoralizing moment in my life though that sort of just broke me. Though I think grad school was really the start of it; there was so much information to have to know in so little time, plus research on top of that, that I stopped trying and started just keeping up.

I’m realizing now what it is that I lost and how much it’s impacting my life and relationships today, and as I’m slowly trying to work it back into my life, I’m starting to enjoy my life a bit more. Previously there were blocks (mental?) of some sort stopping me from trying, but now the path is more clear.

It’s hard to think that a person could work so hard, be so dedicated, try their best, and still ultimately fail and not be recognized for their efforts. What’s more, they get punished. I know that’s life. I struggle to accept this kind of failure. What’s more, it’s a failure because some things need a group effort, a summation of sorts to push past some hurdles in life.