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Today my boss notified me that she might fire me.

For awhile I wondered if it was because I lacked the ability to become a scientist. Back then, I didn’t know how to recover from a setback. Now I realize, with age, that it’s about perseverance. Because after some time, the doubts and lack of confidence in the field will subside, and all I’m left with is myself and the experiences that taught me how to succeed in my field.
So maybe my boss and I are incompatible. Maybe her extroverted tendencies and my introverted ones were enough to cause a rift.
But all that hardship seems to have given me really thick skin, because, for once, I’m being resilient.

This isn’t a tragedy. It’s feedback.

Part of me thinks, so what. So what if she fires me? I work very hard, I’m smart, and I did my very best given the circumstances. I keep the workplace running, taught all the students. I was the heart of that place and there’ll undoubtedly be a dent to recover from once I go. And whoever steps into my role, they’ve got big shoes to fill.

So what if she fires me when I did my very best given the circumstances I had.

Instead, I kind of hope she does let me go. Because then that means I’ll have unemployment to tide me over a bit, I can finally wrap up this entrance exam into grad school; I can volunteer in activities that I’m actually passionate about. I can then work with an agency to get closer to the field I’m more interested in.

It’s like that cliché, when one door closes another one opens. I feel like a thousand doors have swung wide open for me with the possibility of leaving this job in the way that I might, and so all I can really say is–

So what.