nobody…(ramble)

Well nobody reads this anymore or even does OD on my friends list…and there’s really nobody i can talk to that really gives a damn to hear whats frustrating…so in some sort of theraputic type deal i’ma write, and hope i feel better when i’m done. Okay so here goes nothing, so i’m in this relationship for like 4 years right? The first year, was great! In fact, it was too great….i guess, because no matter what i’m reminded weekly sometimes daily of how i use to be back then and how i’m not really that anymore. (would kinda make ya feel inadequate). I’m usually the funny guy in the crowd so in most cases if i’m feelin sluggish and the g.f. is with me, and there’s some other funny guy there that my g.f. just finds hilarious and interesting …of course thats gonna make me feel jus a lil more inadequate, and another step down lower down the ladder of cool interesting guys out there. 

ramble 2:

The arguing, we’re both extremely hard headed, no matter what its a fight to the death over an argument dispute and all ammunition is legal.  No matter what if she’s got an issue with me or somethin i’m involved in, no matter how stupid i think it is, (what i’m doin)…i find somethin soon thereafter to toss back at’er as a mark of revenge to take her off her accusing stool. I’m gainin a lil weight she pokes fun…in a laughing type matter that doesn’t honestly bother me…but i can’t help but wonder if she’s actually serious, so i fire back to keep her from bein overly conceited and thinkin she’s all that and a bag of potatoe chips.

ramble 3: work

I hate my job, i’m enlisted and what i’m doin is definately not what i signed up for, that could be alittle bit of the frustration that i’m takin out on her that i shouldn’t…but geez i got nobody else…lol honestly there is noone else in the area to have a face to face conversation with, except for this screen that’s name is dell, and its not all that responsive.  When i enlisted i swore up and down that i was gonna make a change for the better and stop bein that guy i was in college and did just what i needed to do, you know the people who exceed or set the standards, but sluggishly there’s a huge peer pressure of dummies that really don’t care about anything, so the attitude gets contagious. And please if anybody does randomly read this don’t call me some retard that’s goin through male pms….cause this really is the only outlet i got at the moment…and this stuff has to go somewhere. I’m tired of livin this life the way i live it, especially in regards to my current relationship, not that i’d end it, i’m just hopeful for it to get better. Her to be supportive, tone down the negativity, thoughtful that i work and i can’t go to everything in the world, and maybe a little security or claim me when she’s with’er friends. I kinda sat on the end of the table at the restraunt today and watched everybody else talk, watching the other new couples huggin and carryin on…while i’m chillin like the lost sheep drinkin sprite watchin them play lamo drinkin games.

ramble 4:

conflict in interests: Christian conviction vs. what feels good and what everybody else is doing. I feel like we’re slipping into that, and i know it sounds kinda snotty but that’s kind of a trashy place to be. Moral value in the country today has dropped to an all-time low in the past few years.

geez, i’m done sorry for the downer entry, but…well yeah that’s life….press on…