Not Jumping

This distance thing is working between us. I like what it’s done, and what it’s doing. But I miss that connection. Not because the connection was with you, but because it was one of the closest connections I’ve ever had. I want that again – to be close to a man. I’m very close with a few women, but it’s so different being close to a man. It fills this separate hole.

And now on the rare occasion that I talk to you I find myself feeling drawn to be close again just for the sake of being close. Just because it’s already established with you. All I’d have to do is let myself fall back into it.

But I don’t want to cross that line with you again, because it’s you. I don’t want intimacy badly enough to have it with you again. And sadly, right now it’s no where else to be found. That is, there is no intimacy growing between me and another man. I bet that makes you feel better about yourself. That I’m not completely taken from you. Your previous territory is still unclaimed.

Others can claim you all they want, I really don’t mind. I think that’s because I know that you’ll probably never be in a relationship with someone who will care for you and love you as much as I did. I don’t know that you’ll find someone else who will sacrifice as much of themselves as I did for you.

My sincere wish is that you find someone who loves you just as much as you love them. Yes, that is exactly what I want for you.

I’ve just got to talk myself down off these mountains.