Avoiding It All

There are two "interests" right now. And I chose the word "interest" because I need to make it very clear that I have no feelings whatsoever for either of them, they are simply interesting guys that I seem to get along with all right. Though, I really don’t know either of them very well at all. One is 39 and the other is 18. I’m not sick. Here’s the tragedy!! I averaged their ages; 28 point something. What a perfect age for a guy for me! I thought it was funny. If I could get the average of these two guys then I might really be interested. And I use the word "guys" because that’s between a boy and a man, and each strongly retains his boy status and man status.

It was odd the other night to hang out with the 18 year old.

"I’m FIVE years older than you!"

"Well, I’ll be 19 next month."

"Oh, well, that’s a little better…but still! I feel so old!"

And I do feel old around him. I mean, this is his FIRST year of college. This is not to say anything about his maturity level at all, it’s just a comment on where he is in life, and where I am. And where I am makes me think I need someone older, stable, someone who knows who he is and where he wants to go. I need the average of 39 and 18.

I’m at the library supposed to be working. And the library is closing in an hour and a half! Coming back from Rome has been more difficult than I expected. This whole week I’ve had so little motivation for school. I love reading, I really do, but I’m not always in the mood to read EVERY DAY. I know, I know, I’m an English major, it is expected. And I did/do expect it…I just can’t always bring myself to get it done. I’ve got to be in a reading mood.

I want to run away again. Maybe I’ll end up running away to London for a month. I hope so.