the epic, epically (part one)
I am full of faith. It’s been an intense, joyful weekend – taking advice to heart, and seeing the truth in the real, apart from the chaos that my mind can sometimes be, when I’m left alone with my thoughts too long. I am sure of the real, sure of the faith. This weekend, it was about us, and it was full of marked moments “I can’t wait to have you in every way…I’m so in love with you, just reveling in the feeling of everything…”
Intense conversations about leaps of faith, partial life-smashing, and eventual real-life smashing – about big steps, impromptu moments on our upcoming trip to Maine…lots of things. Our Easter was failed hashbrown mashed potatoes and bacon crisps, coffee with my new but oddly familiar family, Buffy. Due to a decision made by the weather, Devon will be staying here tonight as well (thunderstorms do not make for distance driving) and getting up super early in the morning in order to make the trip. It’s worth it though.
This entry was supposed to be about something else though.
It’s different with you because…
1) it’s the simplest touch sometimes. The evil glimmer in your eyes, when they slide from hazel to green almost instantaneously.
2)you made me do things I thought were physically impossible – and if not impossible on principle, improbable for me. And you don’t even realize you’re doing it – and you have no idea what that means. I do.
3) we each carry our secrets, but I’m quite sure our big secret is one and the same…just nothing we’re saying out loud yet, except in jokes.
4) I love the way we laugh in the midst of things, how joyful I find my most intimate moments, when I should feel the most exposed and vulnerable, but I feel free…completely free…and I find the humor in things that I’ve been afraid to express until now – and you get it.
5) I love the feel of the weight on me, the movement that accompanies it, the pressure. I love the sound of your breathing, the way your mouth opens, you bite your lip sometimes and I’m not sure you realize you’re doing it, but in those moments, despite how good it feels, my eyes refuse to close because all I want to do is watch you.
6)your comfortable safe place, when it’s all over would have typically made me nervous and self conscious, but I love the way your rest your head there, like it was always meant to be there. I’m starting to understand, more and more these days, that it was.
7) your northern accent comes out more and more in the heat of those moments. And I’m starting to think you’re secretly very religious indeed. I really could record that and play it on loop continuously. It would make me constantly dehydrated, but I couldn’t honestly think of a better way to be.
8) You have found the balance in touching me, and it came naturally to you without any examination or searching. You don’t touch me like I’m a hair line trigger away from cracking but you don’t paw me either. I like it.
9) I could seriously spend the next umpteenth years with my lips on you, anywhere – I can’t stop kissing you, or touching you – and what’s more – you don’t want me to.
I could say so much more. maybe I’ll have to come back and do an edit. We’ll see what the girl can come up with