spoiled rotten

Yesterday was an eye opening and wonderful experience for me. During the day, with each of us going about our every-day seperate lives at work and apart, Devon was suffering from an attack of the grumpies – or as she would call it – she was being a grumpapotomous. That wore off for her, apparently, as the day went on. And I caught it.

I got home from work at 5:30, and was going to go work out, but I realized that in order to make the dinner I had planned, I would have to do the dishes since there were no clean anythings left around. And doing the dishes, I discovered some scary growing things in our sink, and became exposed to some wonderous olfactory experiences that made me not want dinner at all. On top of that, I went down to put the laundry in, only to find all the washing machines were either full or broken – and I was looking for a tshirt to wear, only to find that all my clean tshirts had already been worn by my beautiful fiancee, or were crinkled up in a mountain of clothes that I washed two weeks before that were still not put away. In both of these cases, before thinking I’m a crazy slob, they were issues where Devon had said she was going to do something, and then it got pushed off until later. I’m not slamming her or blaming her – it’s just that her life gets crazy, and she’s exhausted from working with kids all day, and then we have plans on the weekends, etc. It just happens – life happens.

But I caught the cranky, then had to wait too long to eat, so I got a headache. Then I had to pick Devon up from working late at 6:30 from work. By the time we got home, I stuck the meat in to cook, and made a quick, abbridged version of taco salad. We ate and watched some tv. Then…the magic started happening.

She gave me a full body massage with lotion. She held me and gave me kisses and some Bible study. And she told me it was all about me…that I wasn’t supposed to do any more work – that my job was simply to enjoy it and be cherished/worshiped. At first, it made me a little uncomfortable. I’m more of a giver than a taker on a regular basis, and am more comfortable making someone else happy, than having them do the same to me. I like it, and she loves both aspects, but I’m just more comfortable the other way. I know what I’m doing that way, I know what’s expeted and I know how to accomplish it. But it wasn’t just the sexual aspect, it was everything all at once – she blew my mind. She was so kind, so gentle and considerate. She was perfect.

I had a moment over the weekend when I was slightly insecure. I’ve gained a little weight on the medication that I’m now trying to loose, and I just had a slight body image insecurity and didn’t feel like I would be wanted, so I projected that insecurity on her. But, like everything else in our relationship, we talked about it. I voiced my fear or concern, and we discussed it openly, even though it was slightly uncomfortable. But I’d rather talk about it than not. She told me a million times that she was so grateful that I told her, and that we could talk about everything like this so we didn’t create or build up resentments. It felt good to get it out in the open.

Now, I don’t think I would be able to handle nights like this all the time, or super consistently. But once in awhile is nice. She didn’t do it because I wanted her to, or because I somehow made her feel guilty, or that she ought to. She did it because she said I was worth everything, and she wanted to. And it was so nice. So special. I cannot articulate how amazing it felt, and how much more in love with her I became. She literally just blew my mind, and my concept of my own worth, and my reality. She’s an amazing, amazing woman. And my love for her just constantly grows to encompass the different aspects of her I’m seeing, realizing and learning each and every day.

so thank you, baby, for making me feel loved, cherished, special and appreciated. I hope I can make you feel even part of that daily – and I’ll spend the rest of my life trying for just that. I love you.