morphology

A few weeks ago I got an email from Devon’s ex, who I hear from off and on, telling me that since she works at a music store, their website had some good deals on beatles merchandise etc, and she could get a discount for me if I wanted to purchase something through them for Devon’s Christmas presents. Due to how hectic it’s been around here with working overtime, and the trip up north, I didn’t get a chance to respond. (On top of that, her ex is slightly crazy, and has taken a sharp left to more crazy than even normal for her, getting into physical altercations over relatively small or non-existent grievances) So she texts me last night, asking if I had gotten the email, etc, and if I was interested. I texted her back this morning, just letting her know that I think I have Christmas covered (especially with the addition of the wedding dress which I said didn’t count, but she maintains does. I also already got what I thought was going to be her “big” present, pre-dress, and I’d tell you what it is except there’s an off-chance she’ll read this.) She responded back, and she phrases things really strange, but it was something to the effect of “you just officially texted me back AS devon. You two are morphing into each other and you’re over-using the word crazy-busy, etc – you might want to watch yourself” I take issue with that, for many reasons. But it bothered me more than I initially realized or anticipated.

1) who are you, crazypants, to tell me to watch myself?

2) I’m not thrilled with her and Devon’s continued friendship, especially in light of the fact that she’s gotten actually physically dangerous. Okay, I won’t say I don’t like their friendship, but I’m uncomfortable with the prospect of them spending time alone. This girl seems to be operating a few bales short of a full load – and she has a hair trigger, and who knows what can happen. I think that’s reasonable of me.

3) I’m a chameleon by nature. I’ve known this for many many years, and so do most people that know me. Just because I adopt certain phrases or actions of someone I’m around a lot (and it is not just significant others, incidentally, it’s just about anyone I spend a good deal of time with) does not mean I am not my own individual self as well. Devon and I are two very different people, with two very different speech, writing and text patterns. For example, in texting she abbreviates every single word she can, so your becomes ur, etc. I don’t do that at all. I cannot make myself not text in full words and sentences, it annoys me. Devon and I have adjusted to life together, and have both adopted certain phrases and mannerisms characteristic of the other person. But we’re still both very unique and individual independent people as well. She has her life, I have mine and we both have ours. To say that we’re turning into each other is kind of rude – especially coming from someone who doesn’t know me, and has only spoken to me a handful of times in the last year.
At the end of my last relationship with the ex, when I first started going to CODA, one of my biggest issues with myself was that I had no general sense of self. I had changed so much that I didn’t know who I was any more, and I felt lost. Part of my CODA recovery was developing a true sense of self and an independence I had never before felt. I am not willing or able to give that up. I like my own things, have my own hobbies and my own life that have nothing to do with my relationship. Yes, I like to include Devon in that whenever and wherever possible because I have an honest desire to share my life with her – but we are not attached at the hip, and we both do things apart from the other. We love spending time together, but we love having time apart as well – it makes us appreciate the time we have together all the more.

4) I don’t believe that just because we may use the phrase “been crazy, or crazy-busy” that means either one of us are necessarily over-using it. It means that it’s a common phrase which also happens to be true. How can someone say I’m over using something when we rarely (and I do mean rarely – I can count the number of conversations we’ve had on one hand) ever speak?

I don’t have anything against this girl really, except for the crazy. Despite her past relationship with Devon and the fallout of its ending that I’ve heard more than enough about, I genuinely tried to give her a chance. I even genuinely liked her for a time, which is why she had my email address and cell number to begin with. However… with her becoming more and more unpredictable and becoming an actual physical threat (not to me by any means, but to Devon, probably) my liking of her and my appreciation for her humor has been greatly diminished. This was kind of icing on the cake.

Just had to vent. Sorry