just a preview of reality
This weekend found me steady,
Encapsulated by four tiny walls, a mirror on the closet,
Filtered sunlight trickling like summer storms
Through the panes of window blinds
And an inherent dark of knowing.
We ventured from this willing prison carefully at times,
Experiencing the sunlight of summer meeting spring
Briefly, in limited quantities, like a flavor better served
In small doses.
Through it all was the flavor of you the smell of sunscreen on your skin,
The warm feel of your hand in mine,
Long, hard-won challenges and hidden meanings.
This weekend was, perhaps, the first glimpse I had into
The realities of life with you,
The meanings behind the wakeful and sleeping hours,
The way things could be the way things were.
Im finding it hard to reconcile my insides to the reality of what I see
The mundane of returning to the office,
Followed by the heartbreak of venturing back home,
An empty shell devoid of meaning, now
I dont belong here
Knowing that my place is with you, next to you
Looking for movies in walmart,
Laughing in the grocery store and
Stealing kisses on the beach, behind the canopy of
Others joy, while friends are trekking across the parking lot
To buildings in the distance.
Serious conversations, tinged with the corner of your smirk,
Your eyes twinkling in the tv glow in the dark
The feel of your skin on me, anywhere,
Whispered promises that arent words
But the feelings behind them, instead.
The acceptance of the knowledge of what is to come,
Not what may be, just building
A stronger foundation before
Building the world out of something far more stable
Than sand.
You showed me this weekend what my life could be
And I want it. But I can wait for the future,
Knowing that the present is the most beautiful, precious gift
You could have given me. That I could have given myself
Once I was aware enough to know the simplicity
Of acceptance.