goddamnitmotherfuckingsonofabitchfromhell *e*
It’s official, I have lost my temper.
Today has been a day of tropical monsoons, hurricaine force winds, tornado touch downs, leaks, electrical failure, air conditioning blowups, lighting outages, window leaks, skylight leaks, and crap. I wish I was being metaphorical, but I’m not. I’ve been running around all day like a chicken with my head cut off trying to fix everyone’s problems and not being able to do any of my actual work, and when I can finally sit at my desk to breathe, I get slammed with Set ups, which are supposed to be cut off at 3:30, but no – Julie do them all, all the way up until 4:55 so you don’t even have time to run your daily reports. I’m beyond frustrated, my mood matches the weather, and my one shining light at the end of today is probably going to collapse.
All of this was made exponentially worse by being told that if it’s still bad, when I’m supposed to leave for Spike’s later tonight, I should just stay home and be safe. I am grateful that she’s worried about me, but really that was the only spark of hope in my day, and I’m starting to lose any faith that the weather will be better. you never know, but at the moment, I’m kind of chalking the whole day up as a loss. And that sucks. My whole week has been off kilter, and I’m impatient and frustrated and something, and it hurts, and I hate it, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Nothing. I get that I get to see her tomorrow, but still. I’m being a whiny little brat right now, but I’m allowed these moments, and I’m so happy so often and roll with the punches so well, and just deal with all the mini frustrations so much better than I used to, I feel like I’m allowed a moment of collapse, when I just get angry and it’s okay. Maybe that’s a sign of weakness on my part, but I’ve tried all day to hold it together, which was just frustrating me more, and I give up. I’m just pissed.
On top of that, I’m realizing how silly it is that…nevermind. I can’t even write that. I’m just starting to see what people mean when they ask me “what the hell are you waiting for”. Waiting and I are not getting along right now. And I hate that too. I should learn more patience, but at the expense of what? Authenticity? A form of honesty? Is it worth it?
I want my happy back damnit, and if I have to scrap my april fool’s day plan because of crappy weather tonight and go without my hug, I’m going to curl up in bed and be asleep by 8, I swear to god.
yep, I’m done.
later.
*edit*
All that aside? I just got home from work to discover that part of my ceiling has collapsed in my apartment. Fan-fucking-tastic, just what I needed. And I can’t find one of my cats