Everything Changes

I’ve been reading my old diary off and on.  Perhaps I shouldn’t have.  I have all these memories and all of these feelings associated with them, and reading those entries brought them all back up again.  It’s insane how visceral reading your younger self’s innermost thoughts can be.  Though not everything was bad – far from it.  Re-living the breakup with my ex in 2010, re-reading my journey of self-discovery and growth afterwards, transcripts of old text conversations with the ex and many others – all of it was captivating and somewhat mortifying.  It is ridiculous how ridiculous I used to be, especially when it came to interpersonal relationships.  I learned a lot.  I grew a lot.  Devon and I have been together for 7 years this month – it’s both of our longest relationships, and it’s not going anywhere.  We joke around a lot, we enjoy each other, we connect well and communicate better than we ever have.  Sometimes I think that it’s a miracle that I have her.  She’s taught me so much – and we’ve learned together.  No relationship is perfect, and it’s unreasonable to expect it to be.  Every time we butt heads, I’d like to think that we learn a little bit more about each other and resolve our conflicts quickly and peacefully.

I am so incredibly grateful and appreciative of all the love and support she’s given me for the last 7 years.  It’s been some of the happiest moments of my life, and I can’t imagine my life ending up any differently than it is right now.  Although I’m stressed and battle with depression, I’m fully aware that I am amazingly lucky.  It seems like I was rewarded for something – I can’t imagine what I could have done to have been given this amazing of a gift – but while things aren’t perfect, they are absolutely perfect for me.  Thank you, Devon, for being the support and encouragement that allowed me to be my own light in the darkness, and be my best possible support along the way.