absolutely brilliant

I can’t even put into words how good today feels. I’ve tried, and failed, multiple times, all day long. After a day of clouded shadows, puddle splashing, thoughts swirling and blending themselves into meanings, the sun has reappeared and made a glorious, happy appearance.

I brought my mp3 player to work for the first time since September. I’ve been listening to it all day, lip-singing to all of my old favorites, and new downloads. I’m seeing this as a monumental turning point in mental clarity and acceptance, and moving on. I haven’t been able to listen to music in a long time, minus a few old-favorite cds that I can nod wisely to while driving to and from work when I don’t want to risk listening to the radio. Being able to go a whole day away from audiobooks of stories I know backwards and forwards, and hearing music that I will always remember, but still somehow forgot the meaning behind was huge. I’m seeing the world with wide-open eyes and I cannot get over how beautiful it is.

Yesterday was nerve-racking for me. For one, even being a holiday (that my company managed to not give us off, in favor of two extra floating holidays per year to take whenever we choose) I was slammed at work. I think I did over 300 something vendor setups yesterday, just in ONE company, and I barely got anything else done. I barely had TIME to do anything else. And I have this huge multi-month reconciliation thing going on that I barely had time to start and look at. Not to mention my phone kept ringing. One of my pet peeves at work? Having someone call me wanting help, leaving a voicemail with no information on it, so when I call them back and state that I’m returning their call, they have no idea what they called me about in the first place. If you needed a reference number, you should leave one. Or at least know what you’re talking about. KThanks.

I had a mental plan of everything I wanted to accomplish after work. I stopped on the way home for some puddle splashing as a stress reliever. It worked like a charm, got me soaking wet and muddy, but it was worth it. Once I got home, I took a shower, did my exercises, which included a brisk walk a couple of blocks down where I picked up some soup and rice at the Chinese restaurant and briskly walked back. I ate dinner. Cleaned up a little and finished with the season finale of Buffy, season 6. I cried my eyes out, regardless of the fact that I’ve seen it so often I can probably recite it word for word, if pressed. Nevermind. I went outside to read for a bit, came back in and by then, it was just 8. Spike called. I was afraid of the nervousness and awkwardness of a first, initial conversation verbally after a few messages online and some texts. Yeah no. We talked for almost 2 hours about everything from politics, to religion, to the weather, to past history of our lives, to embarrassing revelations, to radical honesty, to a mini debate about global warming, etc. It was like talking to an old friend, except not. It was exactly like talking to someone for the first time that you’re interested in. Go figure. It was funny, we kept stopping mid-conversation and said things like “I don’t think that’s first date material, maybe fifth” etc. After she added me on facebook, she stalked me for awhile, and we got into one of my status updates I had deleted so she wouldn’t find it (where I behaved like a COMPLETE dork and did the snoopy dance cause I hot girl gave me her phone number). I gave her permission to further stalk. And we ended the conversation with “so…do you think we should meet?” Both of us went with “yeah, I’m leaning towards yes”. No definitive plans as to when yet, but we’re both hoping for soon. She left a message for me on my facebook wall today. I’m a little taken aback that someone who claims interest in me (did I mention she thinks I’m adorable, and that I am, indeed, the shit) is actually making as much of an effort at communication as I am? I hardly know what to do with myself. Ohmigawd, I found an adult. Anyways, she’s beautiful, she’s a pre-school teacher, and she’s 31. The theme that kept running through my head was “where did this girl come from”? I think I might have even asked her that a few times. Answer is Maine. Funny that. She’s been in Florida for 6 years or so.

Enough about that, though. That’s hardly the reason I’m happy, although it contributes nicely. I woke up strangely this morning. Stranger than normal. I was having a very strange dream that I didn’t quite want to be over, but I was suddenly wide awake. I looked at the clock, only to realize that the electricity had blinked sometime in the middle of the night. I checked my cell phone, reset the alarm clock (although setting the alarm clock or the clock in general is kinda iffy when you’ve just woken up) and laid in bed from 5:55 until my alarm went off. Then I hit snooze. I kept thinking to myself that I should just get up, since I was awake, but it felt so nice to just lay there, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I can’t remember the last time that’s happened. Been awhile.

I’ve been looking online for a single chess piece – a bishop, to be exact, one made out of metal, not wood. I’m not having any luck. What happens if you lose a chess piece? There’s got to be somewhere you can buy them, but in my little internet search excursion today, I couldn’t find one. I’ll just have to keep looking. You can find anything on the internet, I’m pretty sure. Even some stuff you later wish you hadn’t seen. Once you see something, it’s kind of burned into your eyeballs no matter how much you wish you could scrub it off.

Meeting tonight, and I’m looking forward to going. I never DON’T want to go, and given my track record, that impresses me greatly.

It’s a fantabulous day. Seriously.