a Quiet Farewell *edit*

looking down into the abyss, you start to notice things. People that you believed you could count on seem to fade. things change. People change. People grow and people grow apart. As I’m beginning to realize that some things cannot be reversed and not all promises are as binding as you believed them to be, I’m standing on a precipice.

This is not my decision. Were I to have my way, I would keep hold of the things I value, cherish and appreciate. I haven’t always been the best friend, and I’ve hurt some people deeply. I regret some of my choices that have all led up to this, but I can do more to attone for them. I’ve said that I was sorry. i’ve made effort after effort. When you’re the only one tugging on the end of a line trying to keep a friendship going you start to realize that you cannot possibly carry the weight forever. Eventually it’s time to let go…and that time for me is now. It’s not because of a particular dealbreaker although there have been more than one of those in the recent past that could be a factor. It’s not because of an additional friendship that puts a strain on the bond we once shared. It’s not the backstabbing, the questioning or the shift in loyalties. It’s just time to let go. The choice was taken out of my hands months ago, I just didn’t want to believe it. But now, on the brink of one of the most important days of my life I can no longer deny the reality. No fanfare. No drama. No emotional appeal. You deserve better than that and we’ve done that to each other enough. I’ve cried my tears already, and I’m sure there will be more. there’s nothing left for me and you bowed out quite a while ago.

Thank you for everything that you were. I love you, I cherish you and I appreciate you more than you know, and I’m sorry I didn’t do enough to show it when it mattered most. I know I failed you in a lot of ways. I will have to deal with that for the rest of my life. I just wish you were going to be a part of it – but you’re not.

I held onto you for as long as I could but today
You fell away
Now what I hold are the memories we barely made
I stood on the edge of your bridge until I felt the rain
Push me away
My confusion left me fast as the vertigo came

What I believed to be true it was only a dream
Believed in me
I just projected it over your beautiful screen
I self medicated my way through this mess that we made
So I could stay
There was nothing, but I waited
I waited

This was my mistake
Broken are plans we made
So I will be traveling any place
Cause anywhere’s better than
Here we rest in peace
Rubble beneath the feet

I shouldn’t have followed you anywhere
Cause anywhere’s better than here

Where is the space I could move, where could I rest my head
There’s nothing left for me here
It’s hard to leave behind
The one thing that made me feel alive
So I slide
From paranoid to paralyzed

This was my mistake
Broken are plans we made
So I will be traveling any place
Cause anywhere’s better than here

This was my mistake
Broken are plans we made
Here we rest in peace
Rubble beneath the feet
I shouldn’t have followed you anywhere
Cause anywhere’s better than here

~Sick Puppies “Anywhere but Here”

“and I know you can see right through me…something’s breakup up, I feel like giving up. I won’t walk out until you know – here I go…Scream my lungs out to try to get to you, but I let go. There’s just no one who gets me like you do.” Yellowcard
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*edit* oh – and as for you who I shall respect JUST enough to not name in person (although turn about is fair play) all I have to say to you is:

What I want from you is empty your head
They say be true, don’t stain your bed
We do what we need to be free
And it leans on me like a rootless tree

What I want from us is empty our minds
We fake the thoughts, and fracture the times
We go blind when we’ve needed to see
And this leans on me, like a rootless…

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
And all we’ve been through
I said leave it, leave it, leave it
There’s nothing in you
And if you hate me, hate me, hate me, then hate me so good
That you can let me out, let me out, let me out
Of this hell when you’re around
Let me out, let me out, let me out
Hell when you’re around
Let me out, let me out, let me out

I have no room for you, your lies or your bullshit in my life. Not now, not ever. I don’t care what you say, I don’t care what you think, I don’t care what you believe and I don’t care about you. Period. The best gift you can give me aside from breaking up with me in the first place is to stay away – forever.