11 days, Disappointment and Stubbornness *e*

I’m beginning to seriously wish with some fervor that Devon and I had eloped. The closer it gets, the more things start to fall apart – not between her and me, but between everybody else. I got some heartbreaking news today that seemed to put me in an emotional tailspin. The one person I was counting on to come to my wedding for ME and not for Devon backed out this morning at the last minute due to finances. I can’t say I blame her – it is a burden to put on someone to fly out of state and stay in a hotel just to go to a wedding. But the fact of the matter is that she promised me that come hell or high water, she was going to be there. She assured me that I could count on her and I couldn’t. It’s bitterly disappointing and I feel like my heart is breaking. The only person that will be at my wedding because of me is Anna – and she’s the photographer. Devon and I bought her plane ticket – it’s the least we can do since she’s doing all the pictures and not charging us a dime. But still. Toni was supposed to hold onto the rings for us. She was supposed to be there to support me – the one person I knew I could count on, and now she’s not going.

I’m possibly over-emotional because I haven’t been sleeping that well. I don’t know if it’s last-minute stress or what, but the 3 day weekend left a lot to be desired. My sleep schedule is all fucked up and Devon and I both had some variation of the stomach flu that started on Friday evening and continued through Monday morning/afternoon.

Devon’s birthday was on Monday and we spent the majority of the afternoon over at James and Leighann’s house so she could practice doing Devon’s hair. We took a dip in the pool for a couple of hours and I managed to not get a head injury this time, so that was a step in the right direction. Other than that, her birthday was pretty chill. I can tell that the stress is getting to both of us, though. It just seems like something is off, but it’s not our relationship. It’s just everything that goes along with it.

I don’t think any wedding goes off without some stress somewhere. It’s a part of the process, but it’s one that both of us tried desperately to avoid. I think everyone is just rambling on the edge of the breaking point right now. Her parents have done a heck of a lot of work to pull this off and we owe them a huge debt of gratitude that we will never be able to repay. Honestly all I want to do right now is crawl into bed in the dark and sleep until it’s over. I feel slightly like my life is on hold temporarily until all this is over with – then we can go back to the way things are supposed to be. I miss my life.

I’m sure I’ll feel better about all of this later on. Never mind me. Stress and sleep deprivation don’t go over too well as a pair.

*edit*
last minute to-do list is the reception playlist: Does anyone have any suggestions in any genre of music?