Circling the Void..

Twas the night after the movie and all through the house, not a sound was stirring not even my folks…  It was into this silence that my thoughts crashed and roared, my heart sank and cowered and the darkness soared..

Hunted in my own mind, persued by my glaring failures and tormented by the sublime life.. ha! Sublime life.. I don’t know what that is.. there once was a time when i held that perfect thought in my head.. an ideal outcome to everything.. but like the vapor that drifted in and was blown out, it has gone..  there is no perfect out come, no happy ending, no dream come true… there is no joy at the end of this rainbow, no final chapter, no romantic sunset kiss, there is no hero shot, no credits to close this movie.. the music has gone sinister, a pale shadow has been cast, the villan has reappeared, the vampiric embrace of a long lost lover, the return of the ice age, the sun has set and with the moons appearing all hope is lost.. 

Maybe I over simplify somethings..

Lets be straight on this.. I really am depressed.. I feel sorrowful, heck it’s almost as though my soul is mourning.. I want to throw my head back and howl, great drops of tears streaming from my eyes..  clutch at some imaginary hurt in my chest and curl up and die…  But that wouldn’t satify me.. I want people 2 know I’m wounded and hurting but I don’t want 2 tell them..

I guess I don’t really want people 2 know.. but I want 2 be noticed..

I laugh extra loud and make a big deal about nothing.. just so for a moment I can say I’m alive.. then when the moment is gone I flat line again and drift off into insignificance…

Once I dreampt big dreams, once I love with a big love, once I held the future close…

Now I sleep in oblivion, now I feel no love, now i don’t know the future…

~Dreamer~