had to tell someone.

writing this just makes me feel better… i know im a libra. and i say that a lot. but i really believe i am the epitome of what a libra is. that being said, i know im usually mr optimistic…(couldnt you tell?) andi have a natural ability to brush things off…but not anymore. libras are balanced, and frankly…lately ive been feeling a little off.
so ive decided to speak up…sorta. i had to tell someone…

i dont like when people assume. it makes me feel like i am obliged. then i begin to resent them. then i begin to find/notice every little flaw they may have. it upsets me. it puts me in a not good mood. and that can snowball.

i dont like rude people. especially impatient ones who think its all about them. it makes me resent them….etc.

i dont like people who complain about it. if you dont like it, change it. or shut your trap. it upsets me because i can complain too. i can complain more than they can. and for way more understandable reasons. not because they spent their entire paycheck gambling and lost it all. i can complain because i left an island paradise to work in a smoke filled room with ungrateful people who think the earth revolves around them. you are not my sun. you are the cloud that rains on my parade. shut the fuck up.

i dont like being told what i should do, need to do, have to do, should have done, or any other variation of it. if i needed to, had to, or should have done it…then i probably would have. now since i didnt do it, then it obviously isnt something i care to do.

i love my mom, but i dont care about your new church. im glad youve found religion again. im not down with religion. and stop telling me about the "facts" of the bible that your church says is the real story because if you really want my honest opinion, it just that, a story. sometimes i wonder if jesus even existed as such. or was he just the current times pop star.

i am grateful to have a job and that i was offered it. but i am ready for a change already.

i dont like people who jump to conclusions.

i dont like people who beat around the bush. it annoys me because its a flaw of mine too. always trying to be the pleaser, its difficult enough for me to tell you what i want. i dont need you being the same way.

i really dont like you calling me to see how your store is doing every hour. either come in and check, or wait till the end of the shift. its fucking annoying.

i dont like people who are all talk. you asked me to call you multiple times. i did. you rarely answer and when you do, its just to bail. dont talk to me anymore.

i dont like cheaters. you got caught. deal with it. stop blaming others.

i dont like hearing about how great your new guy is. im truly happy for you. but im currently in a place where i dont care to hear about it. leave it at that.

im not totally comfortable with some of my friends hanging out with my other friends. even though i am hundreds and hundreds of miles away, it makes me feel left out.

i dont like how my exes are now doing the things ive always wanted to do. with other people. why couldnt you have been so open when we were together? thats the reason. you know it.  and thats why i dont want to hear about your great adventures lately. it kind of makes me sick. then i get depressed. then i get annoyed. then upset. then it snowballs…

i dont like people who dont seem to listen. especially about the little things.

i dont like people who dont know how to trust their partner. i think that if you have to call your partner every ten minutes and text all day long, then perhaps you should find a new partner. i think that if you have to answer your partners calls every five minutes and texts all day long, then perhaps its time for a new partner.

i dont like that i hold so much inside. i find it difficult to be up front with people when it comes to conflict. im more of a behind the scenes problem solver. the fwe times i have told someone whats up, i felt like a dick afterwards and this strange nervous half chuckle escaped from my throat…almost as if it were a subconscious attempt to lighten the situation. i despise that about myself.

i dont like people who just dont get it that sometimes you can just be having a bad day. then they take it personal. that just upsets me more.

i dont like how my "friends" never have time to say hi anymore. but can update their facebooks and myspaces every ten minutes.

i dont like how ive reserved the word ‘friends’ for only a few people now. everyone else has been reduced to a ‘buddy’ or ‘roomie’. and in more cases than id care for ‘this chick’ or ‘this dude’…it saddens me.

sometimes i feel like the one thing people really truly care about, is themselves. no matter how much we try to say how we help others or love others and all that. i think we do help and love and think about others, but ultimately, only if we can benefit from it in someway or another, no matter how big or small.

i like the idea of resolutions. i dont like that it seems almost obligatory to have one or some.

i dont like being under pressure not of my own accord.

sometimes i think about disappearing. i think the only reason i havent done it yet…is because my mom would be lost. i fear that when she dies, i may cease to exist to everyone but myself.

i dont know how many people will read this. i really dont care. thats a lie. i do care. and thats the problem. if everyone reads it, i think ill get a lot of ‘keep your head up’ type notes. if no one reads it, i think itll upset me and ill just add to my list of reasons why i think no one really cares.

but then i really dont care. i may care at the moment but after it passes, i feel like im obligated to dwell on the issue, no matter what it is. ive noticed lately that 95% of anything anyone tells me, i simply dont give a shit about. it feels like its my way of saying that for years when i had something to say, no one listened. and now its my turn to not care.

i dont like people who watch movies and ask whats going on throughout the whole thing. or people who try to guess whats going to happen. i dont care if you do it in your head…thats whats probably suppose to be going through your head. but the reason i watch movies is to be entertained. if i wanted to hear you talk, i would have invited you out for coffee or something.

though i wish i wasnt, i think im quite passive aggressive. it kinda annoys me. again, i wish i could just…say it.

someday ill finally get my forty acres and a mule…and when i do…well…just have to wait and see.

thanks for reading…like i said. i had to tell someone.