why…..

Why is everything always my fault?  Why do I always feel like everyone is mad at me?  I hate feeling this way.  Right now we are having money problems.  Something just happen that really screwed me.  And of course the person I thought wouldn’t screw me over is the one person that did.  So of course I called Chris and I got blamed.  And then not to mention, he is now mad.  He won’t say that he is but I know that he is. 

You know I try so hard not to make things worse between Chris and I and the more I try the more I screw up.  It’s not like I planned for this to happen.  I really didn’t.  I didn’t plan on having surgery on my mouth and getting a crappy paycheck. 

I just don’t find it fair.  I can barely get my kids anything for Christmas.  I can’t get the rest of my family anything.  Not to mention, Chris.  Why does everything bad happen to me?

No matter what I do…I always manage to screw up.  Something I wonder why is he with me.  I want to be happy and I want everything just to be ok.  But I’m honestly afraid that it will never me ok.  No matter how hard I try. 

I really wish people could get inside my head just to honestly know what I am feeling right now.  Why I am so scared all the time to let out my feelings.  Why I am honestly not happy with myself.  I love my husband and my kids.  But right now, I honestly don’t love myself.  And I haven’t for a really long long time. 

I don’t know what I am gonna do!