My heart hurts :(

It is sunday and I’m spending it at home.   Is this normal?  Yep, it is.  I just called Chris and asked him if he was gonna be home for dinner.  He was like…what time is dinner.  I said well I am just asking so I know whether or not the kids can find what they want to eat.  Well he was like..blah blah blah.  I said no would have just worked.  he was like I was just telling you what I was doing just so you wouldn’t get mad about it.  I said you could have just said no, we need to do a few things.  He was like forget you win.  That pissed me off.  I hung up on him.  I called him back and was like don’t forget the plate to the explorer…he was like. I have it.  I hung up.  I don’t know why I thought this sunday was gonna be any different.  He is never home on Sunday.  I always spend it alone.  And I always eat by myself.  Why did I think it was gonna be any different?  I just called him again and was like I’m sorry for being a bitch.  He was like your ok. And he was like I gotta go.   But you know what…I’m not ok.  I then threw my phone. 

I just got back from the grocery store and had to use change to buy the things that I need.  Do you know how embassing that is?  Do you know how much it hurts when your kids are like…mommy, we need this can we get it?  Or can we get this..it is BOGO.  And you have to tell them no.  Knowing that it is food?  I feel like I am denying them food(knowing that I’m not because we have food in the house).  But still. 

I know something is wrong because I am never mad at my kids.  Yes, Aimee and I will get into it but not William.  And these last few days I have blown up at William.   William is my baby(so is Aimee) and I don’t know what is happening to me. 

You know I was fine until I went to the grocery store.  Then I called Chris.  Why did I do that?  I was actually fine today.  Chris and I was laughing and joking.  I did laundry, cleaned the house and watched the movie Juno.   And now I’m sitting on the couch crying my eyes out.  I’m falling apart and don’t know why.