I feel like it is starting again!

I feel like my marriage is going in the direction that it did once before.  Today i have been home alone..nothing new.  But he just got home about 730 and I feel like I just wanna crawl into a ball and die.  First off, he is beyond drunk.  So when he gets home, he usually needs help backing in the boat.  Well we get it in and then he tells me to watch out.  Water goes everywhere!!!!!  Then he comes inside to tell William to go to bed.  Then tells me to just stay inside.  What happens next really pisses me off, he hits my truck into the side of my house.  Now I need a new paint.  we have no money for that.  So then he comes inside and one minute he is fine and the next he is being a dick.  He asked me why I couldn’t be skinny and hot.  And when the last time I saw my vagina.  Blah blah blah.  At this point I want to cry but I don’t want him to think he has won. 

Finally he gets in the shower.  Then he calls me in there.  And of course it suck my d*ck and blah blah.  Then he goes hey lets move right now.  And I told him I don’t want too.  I told him that I want to stay because of my family and he said would rather stay here then make your family happy.  That isn’t the case but I’m not ready.  Just like he wasn’t ready to move down here.  I wanted.  He has been non-stop.  William’s stomach is upset so he won’t go to sleep.  I’ve had to change him twice.  All he gets saying is get in get in.  He keeps whistling over and over again.  Now I’m at the point that I’m beyond irriated. 

One minute he is being sweet and the next he is being a really huge dick.  He keeps asking the same question over and over again.  And then saying I have no idea where I’m at.  Whore do you know?  i know he is really really drunk but this is really stupid.  I just want to cry but he will know he has won.  But i can’t keep taking it.  This whole week has been hell.  And today has topped it off. 

But of course, he will wake up and say I don’t remember anything.  Well guess what?!?!?  I DO.  And once again, i’m hurt.  Not him……..ME.  I’m fixing to write him a nice little note and post it on the front door so he can see it.  Of course, he will call me and say I don’t remember that.  As I just said…I do. 

I’m so pissed.   He could go f*ck himself.