I love him but does he love me still?
Finally after months of being miserable, Jamie and I are talking again. I got so depressed not talking to him and seeing that he removed me from his Facebook and all that stuff and would reply to my emails anymore eventually I just broke down and asked my friends for advice some gave good others not so good…
So i gathered all my courage and phoned him up again and actually got him, I was so nervous cause I just wanted to make small talk and see if he’d be friendly, and he was. We got to talking and I was like we havent really talked in along time and I just wanna talk about things but i never got the chance, so hes like well heres your chance…so i just blurted out how much I was sorry and never meant to every fuck up or make him hate me, I told him how much he means to me and how much I miss him, that I’d do anything for him, etc. He said he hasnt stayed in touch cause its too hard to think about me cause when he does he thinks about the bad times, but talking to me now he realizes it feels good to talk to me. Then he told me he misses me too 🙁 We talked some more and then I was telling him I wished that we never broke up and I wouldve rather we just didnt live together but still be together and all that cause i just love him so much and miss him, and just having the title of being his girlfriend was enough to make me the happiest girl ever, and then he asked if I’d be his long distance girlfriend I dont know if he was kidding or not but I started crying cause I’d waited months for him to ask me back out and I was so happy,God i wish I knew if he was serious or not. We talked some more and flirted lots which made me feel so much better and happier, amn we talked for like an hour! He said he’d add me back on MSN so we could talk on line later which was also awesome. I felt so bad for him cause he was telling me how lonely he was out at his dads, and I just wanted to go visit him so badly, totally gotta get my licence. The greatest part of the conversation was right at the end when we said our good bye’s I told him I loved him and he told me he loves me too 
Happiest moment of my month.
A few hours later he actually phoned me and told me I should go on line, but i wasnt home but ahh I was so happy he called I felt like he actually wanted to talk to me more so I quickly finished what I was doing and ran home…haha obsessed much. He wasnt on line anymore but he showed up awhile later and the good times of that day continued with alot of flirting and reminising, and me being super happy, he told me he wanted to hug me and kiss me and just hold me and I melted oh my god I was sooooooo happy and he was just so sweet to me. He told me he might be able to come into the city the next day cause his dad was going in so maybe we could hang, which was a cool idea. I miss him so much and I can’t get him off my mind it sucks that he’s out at his dads now cause Im so chicken to call him and his cell doesnt work so no texting whenever i want and they have dial up internet out there so geez!! When I talk to him Im so giddy and I get so tounge tied and butterflies in my tummy I totally dont know what to talk about all I wanna say is be mine be mine be mine FOREVER!! or I love you , but I dont wanna be too pushy or forward or anything to possibly ruin my chances. I want to go see him and just hold him for a long time and just breath him in and tell him how much I love him, I’ve looked up bussing out to see him its like 45$ but thats only to Lac du Bonnet, I’d still have to get out to Pointe from there. talking to him saturday was great he said he couldnt concentrate on reading cause he couldnt stop thinking of me, and he didnt want to go to bed although he was tired cause he didnt want to stop talking to me. I was sooooo in heaven, eventually we both went to bed he once again told me he loved me which made the day extra good lol.
Sunday though things were different, he wasnt as flirtacious, or talkative, and we didnt even talk that long. I wish he would flat out tell me whats going on, cause I really dont want to get hurt again. I decided Im going to say to him " Look I’ve been thinking non-stop about what you said to me Saturday on the phone about being your long distance girlfriend. I cant get it off my mind, and I want to know if you were serious or just joking."
Ahh and then I’ll be devasted when he says he didnt mean it and a piece of my happiness will crumble. But its better to ask than to always wonder, and I really want to be his girlfriend so I need to know.
Well hopefully he comes on line before I go crazy!!
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I LOVE YOU