Goodbye Letter to Beth

This is what Peter sent in reply to my letter to him, prompting my lawyer to write a badass letter to Peter’s lawyer about harassment. As a result, this is the last written contact I’ve had with him.

These are a lot of things that I’ve been meaning to say for the last decade.

You can get as much support and false sympathy from people who don’t
really know you on Facebook as you like. But I am the person who has
known you the best, in every way, for the past ten years. I am the
person who knows the real you – and I am utterly and completely
repulsed. There was a time when I thought it was my Christian duty to
take pity on you and start a relationship with you. I thought it was
the Christian thing to do to overlook my repulsion and try to marry
you so that someone else wouldn’t have to. I was compelled to have sex
with you to fulfill my duty. Even though I didn’t love you, I thought
I could at least try to stop your evil and ugliness from spreading and
make you into a Christian woman – one who actually acts Christian. It
was too great for one man. You are even more hideous and evil than I
realized. You contaminate everything you touch. My Christian duty was
not to harbor and support such a great evil that only grew worse over
time. You took every good thing I gave you to feed your selfishness
and evil, without ever even thinking about giving anything back. In a
decade, you never showed me a single act of love. It is only take,
take, take with you. You are incapable of giving anything that would
make the world a better place. I reject you for everything you are.

We do have one thing in common: I’ve been praying for your death, too.
When we were married and you made your empty threats about the world
being better off without you, I verbally disagreed with you. What I
was thinking was “I couldn’t agree more”. Even aside from there never
being dangerous levels of drugs in your system, failing to die on your
“suicide attempt” was courtesy of the devil, not God. The evidence is
in how you leech and destroy everything around you. Promising your dad
not to kill yourself again is a joke, especially since you’re now just
a huge financial drain on him. How much money have you cost him? You
know how he secretly feels about you, too, since as soon as alcohol
removed his inhibitions, he had no problem hitting you.

Speaking of alcoholism, I see yours is continuing on unabated. Have
you drunk your mother out of cooking wine yet? I would be surprised
that you were still allowed alcohol after your “suicide attempt” if it
were genuine, but you and I both know it was just an attempt to
control your parents. What is really telling is how quickly you
stopped your ‘the world would be better without me’ once I stopped
giving you sympathy and instead offered to get you real help. We’ll
see how long your parents keep falling for your games. I don’t know if
they noticed how awfully convenient it was that you were supposed to
have all-day therapy for 2 months at the first court hearing, only to
switch to once a week therapy as soon as they assessed you at no
earning capacity. The part I don’t quite understand is that you know
you’re a burden on your parents, yet you don’t do anything about it.
Or do you just enjoy making others’ lives miserable? Now that I’m no
longer around to abuse, you need someone else, and you’ve chosen your
parents. I guess leeching from them is easier than looking for a job.

You did somewhat notice how I stopped giving you gifts very early on
in our relationship. Although that was partly due to your inability to
save any money, it was also because your actions did not merit any
gifts. From Grumpy Bear to all of the various jewelry to the giraffe
that my co-workers picked out for me in Boston, it was all just
because I had to. I never wanted to give you anything. Each gift
actually has loathing attached to it – so have fun hugging your bear
tonight! Those gifts got you to shut up, so I could have a little
peace from your endless whining. You “gave” me the awful sex that felt
like I was humping a whale and that was about it. I never wanted it
(as you saw), but had to have sex with you every so often to fulfill
the commitments of my slavery, I mean marriage, to you. Of course, it
was such an act of “giving” from you that it had to be on your command
only. When you wanted some, I couldn’t even escape you by sleeping on
a mattress on the floor in another room! What kind of worthless whore
has to throw herself on a sleeping man who obviously doesn’t want her
just to get some action? In some ways, that makes you a quite
successful whore, since you managed to gain an awful lot of money for
very little sex. You’re lucky prostitution is illegal, or you’d be
assessed at quite a high earning capacity just for that. Assuming you
can find anyone else as stupid as I was – or who is blind! Every
single one of those “gifts” was basically just paying my whore–you
never acted like a wife to me. Instead, you just acted like a
conniving whore, successfully stealing as much as you could from me.
Even now, you’re living the whore’s dream life– getting paid without
having to do anything at all because you conned someone into making a
legal commitment to you. You don’t deserve a cent I am forced to give
you. Only a wife is supposed to get support. You should know that I
view each of those payments as sex payments to you. The court should
assess you at that hourly wage.

Although I didn’t think much of it at the time, I now realize that you
tried to be Sam’s whore, too. Except that even after you threw
yourself on him and sucked him, he still saw you for what you truly
are: Southern white trash. He also realized that you don’t know how
to please a man either, and didn’t get stuck with the bad whore
payments I did. He was smarter than I and I applaud him and every
other man who dumped you. All you saw in Sam was a rich pre-med
student. Now, you’re choosing to cling to a farce of a marriage just
to milk me for support.

You and I both know that there was nothing actually preventing you
from getting a job, even at Pitt. You never went back to the people in
your department and either asked that you be placed back into
consideration or ask for the following semester. You also know that Dr
Arrington and Dr Michaels still have their jobs. You also know that
you failed your prelims every single time you took them… even when
your analysis score was high enough that it could have been a passing
grade, you miserably failed the linear algebra side of things.
Mastering out was your only option. Even then, you could have applied
to other PhD programs, which is the part of your plan that you
conveniently leave out to the courts. Without me, you can apply
anywhere… yet you haven’t. Your job search was a joke. 17 job apps
(which is a genero

us count) is why you know ‘not working is that
hard’? Really? You don’t have a minimum wage job because you didn’t
bother to look for one. You also didn’t see your lawyer’s look when
you indicated that you were unaware of temp agencies in your area. I
found more jobs for you in the Collierville area in 30 minutes than
you did in 5 months. Or did your parents do your job search for you?
You’re 30 years old, fresh out of school, and still unwilling to earn
your own keep. Maybe people thought that was cute in high school and
college – I know I fell for it, but at 30 years old it is pathetic. Do
what most mature adults do – actually work for a living instead of
being a burden on society. You made me move to Pittsburgh for your
degree, and yet you are too stupid to use your degree? For all of her
problems, your younger sister was managing both a job and a PhD
program… and you can’t do one or the other? Although, it is clear that
she is the better one in your family – she is not nearly as hideous as
you, not obese, and she actually did conceive. She might be able to
find a guy willing to screw her in the future. I doubt you will.

Don’t throw your “I was going to have a baby” crap at people either.
The grad students laugh at the idea of you being a mother. You lack
the responsibility and selflessness it takes to give life. You are
only good at sucking life out of people. I saw what your idea of
motherhood was: drinking constantly, even when you thought you were
pregnant. Even if you carried a child to term, you would kill it from
neglect. When I first became your slave, you were too obese to
conceive. After the surgery, when you could have had one, you chose to
murder any chance of having a child with Plan B. And now, judging from
recent Facebook pictures, you’re getting back to being too obese,
aside from being too selfish to nurture a child. And with your fake
“mental issues” (aka the selfishness/poor me you harbor inside you)?
You would probably abuse the child even worse than you did me! You do
not know how to love. Thankfully you’re probably too old at this point
to successfully reproduce.

I am surprised at how you look in the mirror each day aside from the
obvious, appearance related issues. You manipulate and emotionally
abuse your parents into putting up with you, your husband left you
because he can’t stand you, and your only friends are ones whom you
bribe by giving them farmville gifts that you only get by making up
bogus claims of lost farmcash to customer service. Surprisingly
enough, as soon as any of your ‘friends’ actually get to know you,
they suddenly want distance. Thank you for reposting that picture, so
that your friends can see your true self. Do you really think that I
would need to rely on a fake account to call you out? When you’re
friends with so many members of my family, it isn’t that hard at all
to find out what you’re up to on Facebook… where do you think their
loyalties lie? There’s not just one “mole”. It’s only people who don’t
want to waste time directly dealing with your ugliness on Facebook
that have to worry about posting with a real account. You even fell
for Sasha’s ploy to get information out of you. My family has never
liked you– they were never your family. They were forced to put up
with you for my sake. It’s interesting that you cite Dad as often as
you do, yet his last knowledge of you was as thief of his pain
medication–while the rest of us were at church, no less. That you
keep mentioning him indicates just how empty your conscience and heart
are. Pretending to know what Dad would really think shows exactly what
kind of white trash you and your family are. He tried to talk me out
of marrying someone as vile as you. I was too arrogant to listen.
People from all walks of life– family, friends, co-workers, church
acquaintances– have congratulated me on finally seeing the ugliness
in you and getting a divorce. The most common question I get is ‘why
did it take you as long as it did?’.

Speaking of your ugliness, I lied about you being pretty and beautiful
because I thought it would make my life easier. I can’t believe that
you didn’t realize it was just lip service – you can be fake enough
when you want to be that this should be no stranger to you. You knew
the real answer, which is why you feel so insecure that you need to
ask. Truly pretty people don’t ask if they are pretty. The fact is you
were fat and ugly and your surgery only made you uglier with all of
that hanging loose skin. Do you realize how repulsive you are? I am as
attracted to you as I would be to an ugly, hairy primate, Monkey (bet
you never realized why I called you that. At least I could say one
thing openly to your face). The only way I could ever be intimate with
you was by thinking about other women. As you know, even that didn’t
work all the time. I knew I never needed to see a doctor about that.
Now that I can look at other women, I finally know what it is like to
feel desire, which is kind of sad after that many years of sex
slavery/marriage. After I showed my girlfriend pictures of you, she
understood why though. Her words were that I need to learn that women
are supposed to have curves, not rolls. It wasn’t consideration for
you that I was willing to wait on my wedding night… I was secretly
grateful, too. It spared me having to deal with a beached whale on my
wedding night. Given the huge amounts of makeup you relied on,
wasteful clothes, and jewelry I was forced to throw at you, I think
you’ve been trying to hide from the ugly person that is you, too. The
other grad students thought it was a huge joke that you needed dress
clothes, matching jewelry and make-up, but couldn’t do your own
homework or pass an exam! They now know about the spandex you had to
wear to hold in your flab – and they don’t understand how I ever
managed to get it up. When I left you, and claimed that I loved you,
that was only for the sake of the others in the room and to try to
make the divorce smoother. I never loved you, but you clearly wanted
me to say it, so I said it to keep the peace. You have no idea how
glad I am that I don’t have to vomit these absurd lies anymore.

You will have to live the rest of your life knowing that the one
person who you were supposed to have “happily ever after” with can’t
stand you. Even your own husband has never wanted or desired you. Yet
you still cling to me and your false marriage because your fantasy
world is much easier to deal with than the hideous person you are. You
will have to live not only as a divorced woman, but as one whose
husband has publically rejected her and certainly never loved her. You
were nothing more than a worthless whore (who gives pretty bad sex).
Even your parents don’t want you – that is why you have to be so
worried about being committed. No other boyfriend has wanted to keep
you very long either. No close friends. No children. Just you and your
ugliness.

You’re a terrible person. I regret knowing you, and regret that I took
pity on you and tried to help you become a better person. You only
took advantage of me and brought me down. The world is a worse place
because of how you act. It’s no surprise to me that you’re continuing
to be a terrible person now and trying to drag things out as much as
you can. However, I will be free of you, my cats will be free of you
and you will be stuck with the person you are. After ten years, I will
know what happiness and freedom are again. When I left you that night
in May, I had my first taste, and I will NEVER look back.

You can try to dismiss all of this as bitterness or anger. Except that
the one thing all of your problems have in common is YOU. I think you
have seen how you’ve made everyone around you worse for having known
you. But I think you know that it all rings true, and ultimately you
can’t hide from the real truth of who you are and what you’ve done to
everyone around you, especially those who have given you the most.

I was already at the point where I wasn’t reading emails from Peter, but having my parents open them on their own computers and read them for me. They told me to absolutely not read this one. I meant to listen, but my curiosity got the better of me after a few days. I don’t think I’ve ever regretted to a greater extent not listening to my parents.

I responded to him in two ways: directly, by sending him a link to a Powerpuff Girls/Avengers mash-up; indirectly, by forwarding this email to his entire extended family so that they could see what he was doing.