Catch up

Well, it has been a long time since I wrote on here! I suppose like most people I thought OD was gone for good; I was really taken by surprise when OD initially disappeared, I had written entries for years but was always a bit sporadic with when I visited. Then one fateful day I came to write something down, get it off my chest…and whaddya know, the site was no more. But now it’s back…not sure for how long and I am not sure if I intend to keep a diary anymore or not, but I will give it a whirl and see where we end up!

So to give a wee recap on what I have been doing…I am a Mummy now and seem to have little time to think, let alone write it down – this is one of the reasons I am not sure how viable it might be to maintain a diary these days, so just giving it a trial period for the freebie month. My little boy is 4 and will be going to school later this year. I always wanted to have children but after the break down of a long term relationship (wittered on about fruitlessly in old entries!)  I thought perhaps I was not destined for Mummy-hood. But the stars often align in ways you don’t expect and I ended up married to someone wonderful and we began our family with a little boy!  He is very much my boy and although sometimes I find mummy-hood very challenging,  I am not the earth mother I thought I would be to be honest I am not really a natural at it at all, I am so glad to have him in my life…he is my life really 🙂 I try very hard but it is so true that you can read all the books, listen to all the advice in the world- nothing prepares you for being a parent!  The kid never read any of those books- they do it their own way, you just get dragged along for the ride and try to direct them in a positive way as best you can!

Our family moved into a new house last summer in the hope that we might be able to add another person to our family unit, but the move hasn’t been entirely plain sailing and the space we thought we might gain hasn’t materialised in quite the way we had hoped.

When we sold our old house (with quite heavy hearts as we really loved it, but it was too small) we had not found a new place to live. Well, we had found somewhere but the bank was terrified of it being old and were not altogether a help, so without dwelling on it too much the house purchase fell through. This meant we moved in with my in laws until we could find something. I would have to say the time spent there was the most challenging period of my marriage and despite the good intentions of my husband’s family to assist us, it actually put a huge amount of pressure on us as parents, as a couple and on the search for a home. The house we purchased we did not love, we felt it was a practical choice due pressure to get our own space, to location and potential. However, it turns out it eats more of our money than the very hungry caterpillar eats cake and so any hopes to make improvements are scuppered by dodgy drains, dodgy leaking sinks, damp and a rubbish boiler. It is a case of one step forward and two back so it has been a bit demoralising.

We are currently trying to decide whether to just call it a day with the house and move again,  or whether to stay and get on with our lot, try for another child…because not to put too fine a point on it, I am 36 and not sure how much my body feels like being pregnant again!

I am also debating with myself whether to go back to work. I feel my son is branching out a bit, currently he is at pre school and later in the year he will be at school full time. I feel it might do me good to get back in the workplace, good for my pocket and good for me socially, just to remember I am person in my own right not ‘just’ a Mummy…

That’s another learning curve I have had, whichever way you parent someone will tell you you are doing it wrong; if you work, or if you don’t, if you breast feed, or if you don’t, if you carry your baby in a sling or push it in a push chair… if you co sleep or have them in a cot or you have them in a cloth nappy or nappies from a packet or they are still not potty trained at age 15, if you feed them organic home made vegetable roulades or nuggets from the Golden Arches, if you let them cry it out or soothe them till they are 20. You will find you are invariably doing it all wrong *insert eye roll here*. The only thing I have learned is… there is no right and wrong. But yes, I am gearing myself up for the comments that I am deserting my son when he needs me most or I am not considering enough hours.

Anyway…that’s a little about me…how have you all been?!

(Excuse the usual poor grammar…these days I have a better excuse- I have typed this with my small person interrupting every 2 minutes!*) *I appreciate this is probably also bad parenting…multitasking!