pictionary rant…

We played Pictionary on New Year’s Eve, and I almost lost. Our team pulled it out in the end, which is good, because I fucking HATE losing at Pictionary. You have no idea. And it’s just Pictionary… I don’t mind losing at Trivial Pursuit or Taboo or Scattergories or whatever. But not Pictionary. Why? Because it shouldn’t happen. And it never used to happen. When Pictionary first came out, I was unstoppable. People would argue over whose team I was on, and they’d NEVER let me play with my wife on the same team. Because I can draw like fuck people… give me a pencil and 60 seconds, and I’ve got the clue. No problem.

But then they went and fucked with the game. In the first edition of Pictionary… maybe one clue out of five was an “All Play” clue… where all of the teams draw at once and whoever gets the clue FIRST wins. Now I hate these things, because I can draw WELL… but I can’t draw FAST. I put too much thought and detail into my drawings to execute them in 8 seconds. So I seldom win an All Play clue. Which wasn’t a big deal in the first edition of the game, because that only fucked my up on one clue out of five or so.

Well in the second edition of the game, things changed. Now something like FOUR out of five clues are “All Play” clues. This levels the playing field so that losers who can’t draw have a better chance of beating out those of us who can. And suddenly I can’t run the board like I used to be able to, and suddenly I can’t win the fucking game, and it’s no fun for me anymore, because I never get to DRAW anything for more than 10 seconds.

And now they’ve gone and fucked with it AGAIN and added a little die that you roll that tells you that you have to draw with your eyes closed using your left hand, or that you have to draw with your feet or with the pencil sticking out of your ass or something. We played for 45 minutes last night before I got to open my fucking eyes even ONCE. I mean… come on! What the fuck was wrong with Pictionary in the first place? All you pussies who can’t draw got tired of losing? Tough shit. You don’t see them changing the rules of Trivial Pursuit so that stupid people can win, do you?

So, we played Pictionary last night, and my team won, and I didn’t even have any fun because I never ONCE got a pencil and 60 seconds and a chance to actually really DRAW something. Which means they’ve taken something I used to enjoy and something I used to be good at and ruined it completely.

Thanks Parker Brothers.

Or Milton, or Bradley, or whoever the fuck is responsible…

Thanks a lot.

d.

http://doctorsilence.blogspot.com