Split Level

I suck at this writing everyday. i just haven’t had much the motivation to write, or the need to, I have been sharing a lot more of how I feel with Sara. It has helped me not feel so bottled up. On to the past week:

Sunday night I hung out with Cat and Kyle at Kyles mom’s while they did laundry. We sat and played Halo for 6 hours. It oddly made me feel manly sitting there getting all hyped and yelling at the T.v as if the game or my guy hears me. Monday Sara and I went to the movies to see ‘Saw 3d’. Like I said two entries back, it was a good movie. The ending was a little disappointing, and the 3D effects Deff not as intense as I thought they we’re going to be, but it was still a cool experience. There was one point were this piece of wood looks like it comes flying at you, and I’m not going to lie, it made me lean out of the way a little. It was an amazing night. Tuesday morning Sara had a doctors appointment, so we went to that, I got prob about 2 or 3 hours of sleep so I was crappy, groggy, and a little pissy. I got coffee for the first time in month, so yay for coffee. After the Doctors Sara decided to take off of work. When We went to go pick her mom up from work we dropped her off in Aurora for her to visit a friend. It raddled my nerves a little just because I don’t know any of her friends out there, all her ex’s live there, weather or not she was going to see any of them or what not. Though once Mom and I got back here I felt better. It didn’t bother me or drive half as insane as I had expecting it to. It was a good to see her get out and do something, she has really been needing it. I wish she would find thing that she enjoys doing, and do them more often. i think it would help her feel less stressed out. Mix a little bit of excitment into her life, a little bit of laughter and she might be able to get her mind off things for a while, a little more at ease possible. Also on Tuesday after the Doctors and taking Mom lunch we went a picked up a few applications. Wednesday was a kind of Lazy day. I really didn’t do to much. I turned in my job applications, and just hung around the house trying to figure out what songs I was doing for my show on Thursday. Thursday I spent most of the day hours cleaning and throwing away old crap, and clothes that I just don’t need anymore. That night I had a show at Split Level for Kyles birthday, (which isn’t until this Saturday, oops that’s tomorrow). It turned out to me alot funner then I had thought. Usually their arn’t many people there, and i never make more then 5 bucks. Last night I made about 60, and was told I was the best performer by many people. Some lady said she was the first Drag kind out back in the day, (in youngstown) and was adopting me. She tipped me alot, weather I was on stage or just dancing lmfao. It was interesting to say the least. Ziggy and a couple of the other ‘guys’ kept trying to get me to flirt with,dance with, hit on, hook up with Carly, but like I told of them yes she’s cute, but I have a girl I love, and i dug and dodge in Clubs when I’m taking. When I say I duck and dodge, I am know to do a homerun slide into a dark corner of the bar to avoid woman seeing me lol. It sucks being made fn of because I’m going after someone, or being a ‘bitch’ about it as some say. I’m just not that kind of guy, Like Ziggy Said to me last night I am Deff a lot different then I was last year. I’m not the asshole, player, flirt, dog, immature, kid I was. I have come, grown, and learned a lot. I personally think I have become such a better person. 🙂 Over all I had an awesome time, makes me really miss performing, and all the amazing people and fun I used to have doing it. I just wish Sara enjoyed it, or was interested in it as me. Thinking of that I wish she was a little more interested in, or acted like she cared bout the things that I like. i know she isn’t going to like or enjoy everything I do, but I wish she would at least listen like she cared. I know she does care but just the way she looked at me, or the things she ways when I’m telling her bout something makes me be think like why am I even bothering telling her about this she don’t care. I just want to share with her things in my life, that interest me, and that I enjoy. IDK, ugh that’s the female emotions caring….fuck i think I am getting soft.

This whole week leads up to today, Friday. The last day of the week, and the first day of the weekend. Which I really can’t wait for this weekend to be over with. Concidering I got a call for a job interview this morning/ afternoon. It’s Monday. I can’t wait I have a really good feeling about it. I still have a few apps to get and turn in, so I might even be able to get to jobs. At least that’s what I’m trying for. I know working two jobs is stressful and leave little time for play, but i for see it give me the cash flow to get me were I want to be, and get me ahead enough that possible really get all my goals set, up and accomplished as I wish. Next fall is going to be here before I know it, and I have major things I want to happen by then. It’s going to take a lot of hard work, and mind over matter, and extra will I’m not sure I have at this current moment. Sometimes there’s things you want more then life its self and willing to do what ever it takes it get them, or accomplish them. It’s time to put things aside, pause in a sense, so i can farther, better, and Have my life the way I want it.

Sunday I’m going to my mom’s to start watching A.j for the week my Mother and her Husband are in New York. I prob won’t write for that week since I’m not taking my laptop with me. Though I might get motivated enough, well we’ll say bored enough to go to the library for a little while and write, but I don’t like people around when I write so don’t count on it.

Someone left a note on my diary a few entries back, seeming to be very frustrated that I’m not a lot of emotion/ feeling into what i write. I don’t understand why someone is so concerned with my feelings and they we’re so frustrated. I’m sorry, don’t read then. The shittiest part about it is it was someone who didn’t sign it. Makes me wonder who is reading it that doesn’t want me to know there ready it. I thought it was sara at first but it deff isn’t any near the way she types. Just odd.

I have been very gassy over the past two weeks. No idea why, I usually fart alot, I always have, but i feel like for the past 8 months or so i havent farted at all…and now I just can’t stop. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Random, just wanted to share it since I just was thinking about it.

Now I’m on to a shower.

D.j