In a fictional Reality

Things are….things are just as they are. I really don’t know how to explain how things are in my life. I haven’t really been "here" to take in or even realize how things are. I just wake up work, come home attempt to sleep get up and do it all over again. Smoking and drinking my self retarded. I know it isn’t the right thing to do, but at the same time it’s the only thing to do. It’s been five days since I moved out and it seems like I have been away from her for years. I miss her so much I want to break something every time we do talk. WHY CANY LOVE JUST BE LOVE. FUCK LABLES WHY CAN’T TWO PEOPLE JUST BE TWO PEOPLE…JUST A COUPLE. For some reason my lack of faith in love is getting stronger, I thought love could concur all, but indeed I was very wrong.

The only time I can seem to be strong and let her slip away from my mind is work, but even then it isn’t even really gone. I don’t know what to do just kind of hurting here.

I have been working so much I got almost an hour of over time. Yep pretty sweet. Once my check clears tomorrow im going to finally pay my fines, and on my next check I’m going to throw a little extra on there so its paid of sooner and I kinda have the extra money. I’m trying to save up for a car but that shit needs o be taken care of.

They cleaned out the bedroom here for me so i could set my thing up. I have set a few things up but its just the things that I use everyday, and have to have access to. Other then that its just all piled in there..have of the shit is still in cassies car. I haven’t wanted to force myself to remove it just yet. Hurts that little bit extra ya know. Feeling as if it going to be a little bit more permanent that i would like. Though sometimes i think it might be a good thing regardless of all for me not to live with women I’m dating. It always seems to be my downfall. So why not just have my own place so no matter what I always have a place to go and if i break up with someone it isnt a find a place live kinda thing. so even if her and i ever get back together or not or whom ever, i always have my stability of my self and home. I just think its better this way. Then when me and someone have a few years under our belt and are on the same page of the relationship we can move in together and go from there ya know what i mean. i should have prob thought of this from the start of dating, and women in general, but im such a sucker for girls. There my weak point I want to care adn take care and protect them all… Hence superman..

Kinda want to lay down for an hour before work. I’ll probaly just make myself groggy. eh I don’t know I’m really tired. I finally have a day off and I can’t wait. Good day to relax and try and get some shit together. I need to buy an air mattress, sheets, hangers, a few other things for the room and just settle in…and continue to wait.

I cant really write to much bout how I’m feelings, nothing really seems real, all kidna a fictional reality, numb and empty like. Kinda like im just trapt in a video game I can’t get out of.

d.j