Getting it together

I have tried so hard to talk to Alyda the least that I can. It’s nothing against her, i don’t hate her or anything, I’m just hurting. I constantly miss her and she’s everything that I want. A dream women come true if you will. It bothers her, and I understand that, but either way weather talking to her or not, it still is a heart shredding pain. I just need some time I guess you could say.

Today, since it is my day off, that I am going to try and get out of denial and get my room together, start putting things away and cleaning things up. Sometime this week or by next week I plan to have gone out and gotten a bed and sheets and things that I’m going to need to have a normal bed room. Not living out of boxes or like a bum refusing to move from the couch. It’s time to pull my self together and get thing together and not allow them to fall apart even more. I can only hope that things between her and I get better, its heart breaking that they are they way that they are right now, and it’ll be very sad if we never get back together, and I’ll spend my life alone…but i have but I have bills to pay and thigns to get accomplished. I kinda of in a sense and barring myself in things I have to get done. I suppose it’s better them moping around driving myself mad.

Yesterday was a really bad day. I just woke up missing her like crazy and it driving me insane that thing is happening. Work was…just work aggravating as always, just no one fun there to keep my time with. Just edwin..and hes and idiot.

Slept on the phone with her last night. It was night to be laying there with my eye’s closed and just hear her sleeping next to me. It was a sense of comfort, relaxation, and warmth I haven’t felt in days. We’re suppose to go to lunch, but she isn’t awake yet. Im urging to see her, it’s literally making me sick.

i need my check to clear already, this hold shit the bank is doing is driving me nuts. I need my fuckng money i got shit to pay fuckers.

Ok glad I got that off my chest. I have to get dressed now and get ready to boogie out to the store with Cas, then to bring the stuff up.