Craziness

The past few days have been something. I tuesday was what was going to be Alyda and I’s  month, and I was stayin there any ways that night because I had wens off. So I decided that I was going to take her to dinner and such, regardless of what ever with us thats going on now, I nnever got the chance to do anything for her so I really kinda needed to. I had alot planned but it didnt exactly go that way. She ddint want me to do anything " super cute" and leaving her feeling like an an hole for not being with me or something. Or even more guilty and upset nd heart broken as she already is. Any ways, Wens night we went to dinner i dropped her off at bounce nd then picked her up. We went and kicked it at Mike nd Ellie’s had a few drinks then went back to her place. Thursday I worked, then went to bottoms up because Cassie was bartending and I usually will bar back for her, and besides there strippers on thursday nights so why the hell not go. Apperently this like mexican dude came in there and one kept calign her her and she even after I introduced myself. He took a likiing to me and we just kept doing shots of 1800, and on top of Bubble…nd beer. I was wasted, Kissed this Girl we call Apple. I know her though some people. It wasnt like a makeout thing or we talk or what ever..just us dancing together got a little sexy and yuh. i felt horrible and was freaking out so started drinking more….Alyda came over that night as well…and yes I did tell her, it was eating away at me I had to. I still feel bad. I never ment for it to happen but it isnt like I cheated or anything because technically I’m single. I just belong to someone. What ever.

Today was ok work sucked. Bitching and more bitching. I’m tired of hearing the same old shit. It’d kind oF annoying, very frustrating.

Got into with Shane about shit he was putting me down about. I dnt want to get into detail just becuase its aggravating, but him just thinking hes better then everyone cuase hes making decent money got a high school diploma and shit. Said soemthing bout me not having it, an still working in fast food, well im sorry i enjoy food, and i dislike old people…and dont want to nurse them. It’s just not my cup of tea so dont put me down for it. Yea its more money that would be nice but being miserable going to work everyday then dealing with assholes you work with being even more miserable…naw im good. Id much rather have a job I semi like and enjoy doing then not. Sorry i dropped out of high school bc i was getting the shit kicked out of me and i felt it was needed for ym safety. I think for my circumstances I have been doing pretty god damn good for my self to make it through for the years I have been on my own. Im getting myself ahead now, and I’m only 20…there people who are twice my age if not more that are hell of alot worse off then me and just dont give a fuck, I atleast am always doing things to better myself and get where i need to be and doing the best that I can to make myself happy with my life. I atleast now I always made it through regardless of what ever and never let my pride get int the way of some to lend a helping hand, but never took it for granite. nd I always do my best to give back what I borrowed.

Makes me feel better to just sit and write. I  really need to do my laundry but it’s to late right now, possibly might wake up early enough to do it.

I needa shower, Jason better be done having sex…Latr.

D.j