Christmas Spirit Vanishes

I’m kinda upset right now. I might not get to see any of my family on Christmas. I have court on the 23rd and have NO IDEA how I’m going to be getting there because Alyda maybe In in Columbus with her family, and I think I also have to work that day. She leaves Saturday after work for columbus for her aunts thing and I’m not welcome to go because well…i’m biologically female. Which makes me one feel like shit, because yea well…two makes me feel even more like shit because she is upset about the things her family said and that her life style isn’t excepted. So I might be staying at Bridgettes for a while so I can atleast take the bus to work. I have got to work, I have fines that need to be paid, and Christmas gifts to buy for my sister and little brother. I’m hoping things go smoother then they seem to be looking. It just seems like it’s going to be a very difficult week, not being with Alyda on Christmas or my family..kinda really makes me upset. I love Bridgette and am going to love spending time with her and the boy, they are family after all, it’s just…I’ve never not spent time with my family on holidays. I really don’t even know how to feel about it.

Work today was great, I ended up  being able to pretty much run the grill and shit myself, which was amazing. Was easier then I had thought, just alot to try and keep up with, it’s a hell of alot harder then just throwing some day burgers on the grill and putting em in pan when there done, after the shits done cooking thers cutting to do, panning to do, rice to make sure isn’t burning ontop of cooking beans, peppers and onions, veggies to make sure are up for them, mixing all the ingrdents together for the rice, panning dating and storing that. On top of the fact the Chicken pans weight twice as much as I do…i never excepted them to weigh so gosh damn muchl My entire body fucking aches. I’m exhausted beyond belief.

Had a good sit down dinner with alyda which was wonderful, after we ran around from store to store, put tgoether this knew shower wrack thing, which mind you wasn the most complicated fucking thing in the bless it world becuause there directions freaking blew.

Alyda just left for bounce to record Brooke’s performance she’s doing tonight. Sad i can’t be there but then again. I’m not that places drives me crazy and I’m to tired to handle it. I just want to cuddle in bed and sleep.

Still haven’t been able to get Ronnie to come and kick it, and honestly I’m tired of trying, I have been after him for two weeks now to try and see him kick it and see whats been going on with him. I message him, call him, text him, time and time again and get no reply. so when ever hes ready to kick it He’ll fucking get ahold of me, I’m not running after anyone.

I was supose to stop by bridgettes and say Hi when i got off work, but ended up staying an hour longer and was entirely to tired to do anything but drive home. Which sucked even more because I hit rush hour as soon as I hit down town and it’s like people become stupid or forget common sense once more then 8 people get one the road. It’s really rediculous. i wanted to get out of the car and smack everyone.

So I’m really tired and going to make some kool-aid or something to drink and lay in bed. Got to be up at like 9:30 a.m. gh my sleeping schedule totally flipped this week…blah when schedules change next week its going to blow because I’m exhausted by 9:00 and I’ll be closing from now on…ugh.

D.j