What’s love got to do with it

Ok, the house thing is kind of just…still where it is. We paid off the stupid apartment complex that had a bill over our heads (we were going to fight it, but we need it cleared before we can get a loan, and so that’s all kinds of injustice right there to the tune of $1338. UGH). MIL isin the process of aquiring our loan on the Amelia house so that we can say we don’t own any property and therefore get the USDA loan. Still unsure if Lynn is going to be willing to go as low as she needs to for this house, but we’re moving forward.

What I really wanted to talk about is something I’ve been trying to work over in my head for quite some time and I’m just…not getting anywhere. But I don’t really have anywhere safe I can work it out while bouncing ideas off of people. Facebook is too public, my local parenting board is too…well, public AND people I know IRL…I’m not quite comfortable enough on Fetlife yet, so I’m left with here, even though I rarely get comments anymore and so I don’t even know if anything is going to get bounced around, but at least I get it out, right?

So starting with the general and moving towards the specific, I have been contimplating love in general and the nature of relationships. What makes a relationship *romantic*? Is the difference between the love for a friend and the love for a boyfriend/girlfriend just sex? Is it more? What is the more? What does it mean when calling someone a "best friend" just doesn’t feel acurate? Feels like lying even? When it feels like that term cuts short and takes for granted so much more?

And then there’s the subject of power exchange relationships not involving sex. I would almost never consider myself a switch. I feel ackward and unnatural being in charge. I always have. And yet there is definitely a certain someone I feel that…protectiveness? over. The dominant in a way that I want to be the protector – and being a slave myself, I know how loved I can feel when Master uses me to please him, and I want to do that – to give that love to someone else by allowing them to serve me. It’s an odd feeling, I’ll be honest. But one that I can’t really ignore because whether it’s been formally declared or not, she is mine.

And maybe that’s what this all comes down to – being mine. Loving someone in the way only something you own can be loved. You can admire someone else’s car, but you can’t love it until it is yours. And yet…well, I’m not sure how to extend that particular metaphor, lol, but love and ownership don’t have to equal sex, I don’t think. I don’t know. Sometimes I feel lost – how many times you can make jokes before admitting that it’s there? The comment was actually made the other day (not by me) "You know, if we ever end up in a relationship…". I laughed it off like I do all of our jokes. But for a split second, my heart caught in my throat. What does all this mean? I don’t know. But a least it felt good to get it out somewhere, anyway.