Hockey fan-ish stuff — don’t bother…

Hehe.  Steffi wrote this for me.  I <3 Steffi.

Okay, I was going to edit out all the stupid bullshit brackets fucking OD keeps adding in, but I’m too lazy, so um… no.  Use your imaginations.

Mother fucking piece of shit site.

Setting: Cujo sits alone in the in the Red Wings locker room.  It’s dark except for a spotlight on our villain.
 
*Cujo talks to himself in front of his locker* I never thought Mike Danton essential
They’re crude and unspeakably plain
But maybe they’ve a glimmer of potential
If allied to my vision of a muder-for-hire

*Cujo breaks in to song* I know that your powers of retention
Are as wet as a Barry Melrose’s hair
But thick as you are, *swats at jiri who is putting bows in a poodle’s hair* pay attention!
My words are a matter of pride

*taunts chelios with a Coors light* It’s clear from your drunken expressions
The lights are not all on upstairs *chelios grabs for the bottle but Cujo pulls away*
But we’re talking goalies and successions
Even you *points to ray who looks like he’s hiding something or someone in his locker….* can’t be caught unaware

So prepare for a chance of a lifetime
*takes hold of hatcher and spins with him* Be prepared for sensational news
A shining new era
Is tiptoeing nearer
Hatcher: And where do we feature?
Cujo: Just listen to teacher

I know it sounds sordid
But you’ll be rewarded
When at last I am given my dues
And injustice deliciously squared
Be prepared!
 
Hatcher: yea be prepared! heh heh! We’ll be prepared! for what?
 
Cujo: for the death of Hasek!
 
Chelios:  Why is he sick?
 
Cujo:  No drunk, we’re going to kill him….and Manny, too!
 
Chelios and Hatcher:  Great idea! Who need a goalie! no goalie no galie! la la la la la!
 
Cujo: Idiots! There will be a goalie!
 
Hatcher: Hey! but you said…
 
Cujo: I will be goalie! Stick with me and you’ll never lose again!
 
 
Hatcher, Chelios: YEA LONG LIVE THE GOALIE, CUJO!

Hatcher, Chelios: It’s great that we’ll soon be connected
With a goalie who’ll be all-time adored

Cujo: Of course, quid pro quo, you’re expected
To take certain duties on board
The future is littered with prizes
And though I’m the main addressee
The point that I must emphasize is
*grabs zetterberg* You won’t get a cup without me!

Cujo: So prepare for the coup of the century
Hatcher, Chelios: (Oooh!)
Cujo: Be prepared for the murkiest scam
Hatcher, Chelios: (Oooh… La! La! La!)
Cujo: Meticulous planning
Hatcher, Chelios: (We’ll have food!)
Cujo: Tenacity spanning
Hatcher, Chelios: (Lots of wins)
Cujo: Decades of denial
Hatcher, Chelios:  (We repeat)
Cujo: Is simply why I’ll
Hatcher, Chelios: (Endless shutouts)
Cujo: Be goalie undisputed
Hatcher, Chelios: (Aaaaaaah…)
Cujo: Respected, saluted by all of Detroit
Hatcher, Chelios: (…aaaaaaah…)
Cujo: And seen for the wonder I am
Hatcher, Chelios: (…aaaaaaah!)
Cujo: Yes, my teeth and ambitions are bared
*realizes he’s naked and covers himself*
Hatcher, Chelios: (Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo)
Cujo: Be prepared!

Hatcher, Chelios: Yes, our teeth and ambitions are bared –
Be prepared!