tripped up, but back on solid ground.

 I fell again.

Under the spell of hollow reflection, 

tip-toeing cautiously across the shards of shattered memories,

the ones I’ve sliced my bare feet on time and time again…

Because I refused to protect myself – to lose some of my favorite recollections.

The wounds would fester and swell, 

overcoming me with their power.

But their intensity is waning… there is a reason these moments are left broken on the floor.

Incomplete.

Reminiscent of empty words and contradictory action.

While they remind me of some of the best times of my life,

They also bring longing, and questions — so many questions.

I’ll keep them around only to remind me of who I am.

A girl with a belief in love above all things.

The day I lose my faith in love is the day I will lose myself forever.

The day I stop believing that I’ll feel again…. 

happy. complete. needed. adored.

You showed me love, in all it’s pain and beauty.

I so often doubt your feelings… and it terrifies me to know that I could have felt so strongly…..

with your heart being ice cold.

And I’ve heard from countless sources…. from the voice of destruction itself….

"you never did anything wrong"

Yet you’re happy again… and I’m still spilling my overflowing head into this diary…

trying to put pieces that never fit in the first place back together.

This isn’t fair. I deserve happiness far more than you do.

I loved you with all that I was, would have given anything to make you happy…. to make you stay.

But if I could have felt that for you…. the one who walked away because times got the slightest bit of difficult,

The boy who wasn’t around enough, who made countless promises that never came to be,

promises of futures, and promises of loving me.

The one who let me down…

I’ll find love again, a love truly complete, with a boy who adores all that I am – with every flaw – and happiness that I deserve. 

On that day… I’ll look back on everything you destroyed, knowing it led me to something so much better.