Past

There are days where I wait all day for this…

to sit here, and say the things I so desperately need someone to hear.

Words correlate to phrases in my head, and I find beauty there.

But somehow, it all gets lost when I find home.

 

I’d speak of the boy I miss… the boys, I suppose.

The one I miss drunken nights with… talking about anything and everything….

the one who made me feel flawless.

And the boy I adored, of course.  

I miss being that close to someone…. knowing at each and every moment that there was someone on this earth who loved you…

There was comfort in that.

 

I’d speak of the "best friends"

who never call.

who never make the effort…. when I try so damn hard.

I’d give anything for her, but she should know I’m no one’s bitch… and this friendship is built on ash if she keeps it up this way.

 

I’d speak of how lonely this winter is… and how, for the first time, I’m completely lost.

I’ve trapped the future into a black box, so I can’t find it’s light anymore.

And the present offers nothing but darkness, and an emptiness I can’t bear.

Of how I don’t see a way out…. 

How I don’t see it getting better.

 

I just keep falling into the past…

Tripping and slipping over every memory I cherish like a gem now…

Memories I wish I could relive….

Just to feel alive again.