growing older every minute
Staring into the mirror seeing a stranger staring back.
Hollow eyes.
Black hair framing a tired face.
Professional dress, uptight and unnatural.
Looking so…. old.
I’ve always believed I’m a bit of an old soul… the emotions and thoughts that flow through me could not possibly belong to someone so young.
They come from a heart of experience, feelings that cut deeper than they should at my age.
But to see myself this way… so far from what I want… it’s offsetting… awkward… and….
What I need.
To be away from the places and the people that shake the dust off aging memories,
the one’s that leave me feeling raw, empty, and unfulfilled.
I need this structure, the constant distraction from my thoughts buzzing round and round in my head,
bouncing off each other and against any attempt I make at a clear, conscious decision.
The strict environment brings calm to the chaos, and for once… I’m not completely lost in my own head.
It doesn’t bring me enough peace to feel rested though.
Each day my eyelids droop further down, my body feels heavier each day I rise.
I sleep, but I never rest….
Maybe in time, in this world so opposite of the one I’ve occupied previously
The loose rocky path that trips me up will become solid ground I can run on,
my mind will be free of torment,
and my heart will fly free.
I like when I run across someone who feels they are an old sole. They are a rare find. I hope you find the freedom you’re looking for. Oh, and I look forward to talking to you again. It was nice to chat the other night. Take care
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You have interesting, descriptive writing style. Assuming I’ve read this right, I get what you mean- especially as people will even say I’m more mature for my age.
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RYN: I was sad to write that part of my entry, as it’s not a good realisation to come to about someone you care an awful lot about. And you’re right, caring that much does often mean you get used. I don’t know why people are like that really. Ah another Cure fan! Everyone else I encounter seems to hate them. I wonder why that is.
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Thank you. I hope this proves to be better than previous online writing sites I have visited. So far it has… Reading through a few of your entries has stirred a piece of me; it’s as if I’m looking into myself sometimes. I think we’re going to get along quite well; grow from each other; feed off of each other’s words…
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I sleep, but I never rest I love that. As for having an old soul, well, I could not empathize more with that statement. Throughout my life I was always told I was old for my age. At 18, I thought and felt things most people at 25 were not. heh, this woman I was close friends with back then (she was 28) said to me I needed an older woman because she’d appreciate me. No one my age would.
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I was not so sure back then, but I think perhaps in a way she was right. Then again, I’ve never really been with an older woman, so maybe I’ve got no clue! Anyway, I always felt I fit more in a time and age when chivalry was commonplace and not such the rarity. Is it so strange to want to hold the door open for the lady? I hope not for all our sakes.
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