Away from Origins

Words dance off your tongue easily, slithering into my ears.

If only you knew the weight they carried….

I’ll reply with a snide remark, one to let you know there’s more I won’t share.

Your only reply is a rub on my shoulder… You lost your ability to know what to do when I act like this years ago.

I’m sitting here, looking you in the eye, and lying.

Can’t you see it?

Can’t you hear the sarcasm and hidden meanings behind my simple words?

I know you do… you just ignore it.

There are days where I long to burst out, to tell you how I really feel about this summer.

Miserable. Isolated. Depressed.

Would you finally listen then?

Finally see that all is not right with me?

That it hasn’t been for some time now.

I’m sick of pretending.

Honesty, to me, is everything.

And all we do lately is skip around the truth, because you don’t want to hear it.

And I can’t bring myself to speak up.

I’m terrified of disappointing you…. so I lie to hide my failures, even sometimes I succeed in things you disagree with

stored neatly away in my own personal Pandora’s box.

Someday, maybe, I’ll be able to tell it all.

About heartbreak, feeling, action, reason.

My life, as I live it,

but the things that you’ve never seen or heard.

I live in the fear of upsetting the balance. 

Because if you knew me for all that I am, Mom and Dad,

You’d die.