Survival without Sex

 After this week’s debacle and subsequent make-up without the make-up sex, I’m finding myself asking whether a relationship can survive without sex, and if not, then how long does it take for it to collapse?

The problem in our relationship lies with him. Since he started long distance running, he has no desire, and this has been going on for four months. Last year, however, I was in the same position. I was so stressed that sex was the last thing on my mind. I still did it though, once a week. For him. I did it to keep our relationship going, because I know that no man will keep his eyes on ‘the ball’ if he’s never allowed to play with it. (Did I, – ME, the one who hates sport – just use a football analogy? The sexual tension is driving me to distraction…)

I’d hate to think that he would assume I’m different. I certainly can’t keep my thoughts on him if I can’t remember what it feels like when he kisses me. All fantasies about him pouncing on me when he comes home from work are futile, so my mind wanders to those who might be more interested in me. Those who are at home, where I’m getting a train to tomorrow. 

I’m writing about this here because it makes me feel guilty. Excited and guilty. Excited that I might get to flirt, might I add, not that I might get to have sex. I wouldn’t cheat on him, but is flirting cheating? If it is, then can I possibly stop myself doing it? Do I want to stop myself doing it? I absolutely abhor the idea that he would trust me when I can’t be trusted, and that I don’t trust him when he can. Everything about this relationship is backwards. I’m ready to move forwards, and he wants to stay here.

What’s going to give?