Astrology

 Am I being too hasty with this? I can’t see that anything will change, and I’m wondering if he can. 

Last time we spoke ‘about it’ he said that I’m always working, so when my laptop’s open he doesn’t know whether he can talk to me or not. So, for the past 3 evenings, for a couple of hours, I’ve left the laptop and just sat with him in the living room watching tv. The thing is, he’s been on his laptop most of the time. Anyway, even if he wanted to talk to me, what would there be to say? Never mind the fact that he’s ill and I can’t afford to catch what he has before seeing my baby nephew.

Should I wait until he’s better and THEN give him some time? On the intimacy front, that could be beneficial, but in terms of conversation things haven’t improved all that much. He still glances at me with guilty puppy dog eyes as if he’s waiting for me to blow up in his face. I’ve no idea why. 

Then there’s the internet thing. I’m being totally irrational and overreacting here, but now that he’ll reply to her more readily than he will to me, I wonder if I’m now as annoying as he once found her. If so, I don’t want to be a part of this relationship anymore. It’s making me the antithesis of what I want to be. It’s making me paranoid, frustrated, and above all BORED. I don’t get bored! Not in my own company, when I’m allowed to be myself. The thing is that I don’t really feel like myself when he’s about. I’m back to the all too familiar routine of hiding alone upstairs, while the hostile Taurean vegetates down there. Maybe it’s a star sign thing, and in October each year our planets are aligned in the zone of complete-and-utter-fucking-boredom.